Although along the same lines as the "what if he uses you" theory, one of the most frequent questions I hear has to do with the "bet" scenario: What if a guy has a bet with his buddies that he can get you into bed?
Well, this goes back to that trust issue. I don't trust in people easily. Some people find that strange, which always perplexes me. Trust, like respect, is earned. Do you trust someone you literally just met? Odds are, you don't.
Whether you realize it or not, there is some part of you that will remain guarded until you get to know the person better. Trust is as much a gift as it is a process.
When people tell me they trust me completely, I'm honored, and would never do anything to break that trust. Heck, I still have people's secrets going back to 8th grade! Guess what? I've never told anyone anything...and I never will. Why? Because they asked me not to tell a soul. I don't care that it was forever ago or that they probably don't remember the secrets themselves. I gave my word.
I guess what I'm saying is this: I'm going to get to know him before I trust him. Doesn't trust come before love, anyway? All I can do is have faith that I won't come across some cold-hearted son-of-a-gun that sees me as nothing more than a bet.
My instincts have never let me down before, and I imagine they won't when the time comes.
Bottom Line: I've fine-tuned my b.s. radar...I can usually smell it a mile away. And you can bet I'll go to y'all and my mama for second opinions. ;)
And, ya know, if for some reason a slick s.o.b. squeaks past my b.s. detector, I'll just call up the vengeance demon to right things for me...(I'm joking...it's a Buffy reference, for those who watched the show--very funny character, when she lost her powers anyway...bit scary before then, though.). ;)
I don't trust people very easily. I make them prove themselves to me. I think it's the smart way to be.
ReplyDeleteDon't feel bad, I don't trust other people either.
ReplyDeleteTrust is built of course. It all depends on what you trust them with, first thing is usually trust them to go for coffee, keep their word, and it builds from there.
ReplyDeleteI don't trust people right off the bat either. I'm easier to trust people than most but I think it is because I'm an optimist. However I am not afraid to revoke the trust just as fast as I gave it.
Good call. Plus, if you earn a rep as a secret-keeper, you're likely to get more secrets.
ReplyDeleteAnd secrets are, of course, awesome.
Saw you on Housewife; had to check out a blog with this title!
Caleb
i agree, making someone earn trust is the safe way to go.
ReplyDeleteand the whole thing with the "bet" reminds me of those late 90's teen movies, she's all that or 10 things i hate about you haha. there's always a bet!
Would you trust a man who said he wanted to sleep in the nude with you without having sex? That was what Gandhi did to test his powers of restraint.
ReplyDeleteI have a trust problem, too. Except mine is that I trust people too easily.
ReplyDeleteTrust is in short supply round ere!
ReplyDeleteI agree; trust is key. Everything starts and ends there!
ReplyDeleteOf course you have to trust them before you can get serious with a guy...that's a no brainer. If you have a good BS detector then you don't have to worry about being "used" or tricked. You will be fine sweets. Me on the other than...so naive and trusting...haha.
ReplyDeleteI definately agree. I wish my BS detector was fine tuned, because sometimes it feels like I will trust ANYONE.
ReplyDeleteGood for you, Frisky. I'm envious of your sharp radar. Mine is so full of dirt and rust, I don't trust myself to find someone trustworthy.
ReplyDeleteI fully agree, trust takes time. It's a process, like love. People are naive, or maybe just incredibly lucky, to think these things come instantly.
xoRobyn
I wish my b.s. radar was as finely calibrated as yours evidently is ... I trust WAY too easily and find myself in some pretty interesting situations as a result. I'm working on getting that pesky radar fixed, though ;)
ReplyDeleteI used to trust everyone. I learned pretty quickly not to. I still look for the good in everyone.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that you'll ever be taken in by someone trying to win a bet, Frisky. You're much too smart for that. :)
ReplyDeleteNow about those secrets from eighth grade...
George: I think it's the only way to be, however cynical it may seem.
ReplyDeleteOilfield: I'm glad to hear I'm not alone on the trust front.
Hero: Well said. Trust can be taken away just as quickly as it's given, that's for sure.
Caleb: Thanks. And, yeah, I reckon secrets are pretty cool.
Aubree: Ooooh, yeah, I remember those movies!!! You're right, there always seems to be a bet involved. I guess it's a good thing they always end happy???
GB: Insightful. Definitely something to ponder.
estefanny: Well, in a way I think it's good to be more giving when it comes to trust. I think there's a happy balance--you may trust too easily, while I don't trust easily enough. It's that middle ground we have to find.
Drake: Tell me about it. Trust is tricky.
Eva: Absolutely agree.
Jewels: LOL--I'm certain you can hold your own. :)
Stephanie: It takes a while to fine tune...the more you see people break trust, the finer tuned it gets. :/
Robyn: You know, sometimes I envy people who trust easily. I think, in some way, those people live blissfully unaware of how people can be--that bliss is something I wish I had, even if it is all a facade.
KLo: Well, the fine tuning comes from seeing a lot of failed trust. I don't know if that's a good thing or not, really. :/
Carole: Oh, I think it's so important to look for the good, while keeping your guard up.
Kat: I hope you're right.
lol--can't tell, not even now. ;)
I'm on the same boat about trust. I don't trust easily anymore. I've had people very close to me who use that Love word too losely, to the point that some people take it more personally than others.
ReplyDelete