Monday, April 23, 2012

The Urban Love Myth

The Urban Love Myth

Tell Bridget Jones, call Carrie Bradshaw, channel Jane Austen, and alert the white jackets. And someone, please, slap me silly because I have done something beyond comprehension. 


The thing with which I must hide my head in shame: While watching the wedding scene of The Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn, Part I…I cried. We’re talking the salty tears, snotty nose variety, here, folks.  And I was really pathetic when they started playing Flightless Bird, American Mouth…yeah, hello, Kleenex. 


My mind, which was thoroughly repulsed, screamed, “You don’t cry at Twilight!” (totally modified that from Tom Hanks circa A League of Their Own).

It was a totally impulsive, unfiltered reaction, and I couldn’t help but wonder why.  Then, it hit me: the reason my tears flowed wasn’t for the vampire and his flightless bird, it was because I envied the love they shared, and, more importantly, I wondered about its existence in reality.

And, yes, I know it’s a movie, a book, fake, so not the real world, blah, blah, blah.  I get that; I’m not delusional.  But…in all honesty, shouldn’t that supposed unrealistic love be part of our world? I mean, minus the bloodsucking, bruising, and rapidly growing baby, followed by gruesome birth stuff. 

So, the trillion dollar question:  Does that kind of inconvenient, heart-stopping, endless love actually exist in our reality?  If we’re patient, and look with our hearts, yes, I believe it does.   

I could easily say it doesn’t exist.  Why?  Because it’s the easy answer.  It’s an easy way to explain away the frustration, the perpetual Singletonville address, and, in some cases, settling with someone you know isn’t right for you. 

See, I think many people today are so jaded that, on some level, they settle for what’s easy or convenient because they figure they’ll never find the real thing.  I’ve known people who have married because they believed that person was the best they could do at the time.  Then, of course, you have the men who marry based on lust, women who marry for money, etc.  None of these scenarios equal the kind of love I’m talking about—the kind of love we all yearn for…and we all deserve.  

People are so quick to say true love is only for books and movies.  But, I don’t think that’s true.  The only reason we don’t see it in everyday life is because no one steps up and actually makes it happen. 

If everyone settles or rushes into something “just because,” then, naturally, the concept of a soul mate becomes more of an urban love myth than an actuality.  No wonder so many people don’t believe movie-love exists—they’re all too busy crapping on the idea.

Maybe if we trusted our hearts a little more, gave credit to our instincts, and took chances, we’d look at the world and it would remind us of An Affair to Remember or a Jane Austen novel, rather than just leaving us wishing for some elusive dream. 

I’m pretty sure some people think I’m a fool, waiting for something I may never find.  Maybe I am.  But, I’d rather be a believing fool, than alone in a relationship, wishing I had trusted in something that’s seemingly unbelievable. 

There are many different kinds of love, bringing people together, making us happy.  So, why sell one brand of love short?  If love really does make the world go round, then giving up on any part of it is like helping to end the world (in a manner of dramatic speaking).

Maybe never giving up isn’t such a bad thing after all.  

And so ends this episode of Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride, otherwise known as my single gal brain dump. 

**This was a guest post I wrote for the wonderful Janie Junebug. She mentioned posting it here as well, but in my sleep deprived state, I plum forgot. 

29 comments:

  1. You already know how I love this post. No matter how many times I'm dumped and cheated on, I still have the heart of a romantic.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. *Hugs* Better to have the heart of a romantic than to have a heart of stone, I say.

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  2. Well I think this was beautifully written. I hope it exists. I really don't know. But I really do want to believe it does. I like hoping for things. It's all we really can do.

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    1. Thank you, sweetie. Hope--that's what it's all about. I admit, hope can sometimes aggravate me, but, ultimately, it's what holds everything together. Where would we be without it?

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  3. Nicely written. I'd like to believe in that kind of love too. Maybe, yes, it's a little unrealistic to think of it in those terms but the hope is a nice thought. Really, I think the love we see in movies is real and can be found, but what surprised people is that the movies never show the other side of the coin. The love that carries them through the tough, dark times as well.

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    1. Thank you, Jay. :) I'm a big believer that when it's real, it's real in light and dark times. That's love--love doesn't (or shouldn't) discriminate between happy and sad times...it lives, it survives.

      I'm a dreamer. I know this. ;)

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  4. You're a fool, but I still totally love you. We should all be "fools" to believe in love. I still want it, I don't want to settle for something because I don't think I'll ever get it. That's why I will probably wind up the crazy cat lady in town. lol

    And I cry over Twilight, too - over it's popularity. J/K ;o)

    No, in all seriousness, I can't really blame you for crying over a scene like that. Hell, I seem to cry at the drop of a hat anymore. Was trying to hold in tears over Seabiscuit last night for pete's sake. And I've seen it a hundred times. I cry over The Blind Side, and well, let's just stop there because this could be a long list. You're not alone my dear, and THAT is what is important. :o)

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    1. Totally love you back! I'm a silly little fool, and I'm so good with this. lol If it doesn't find me, then I'll end up alone. So be it. Granted, it's not what I would have chosen for my life, but if there's no "the one," then it's a choice--be alone with someone or alone by yourself.

      LOL--ANY animal movie makes me cry. Cannot watch animal movies without copious amounts of Kleenex. Oh, The Blind Side--yep, another one I go all crybaby over. Hell, I cry when I hear the LSU marching band. *And I did not just confess that. Blushes*

      I'm really glad to know I'm not alone. :) *Hugs*

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    2. Well, if push comes to shove, and we both wind up alone, you can come to Sticksville and help me on the ranch. LOL There's an empty house across the street from me, bordering our ranch.

      And I will totally remember your confession in case I need to black mail you! LMAO

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  5. If you had asked me when in my 20's I would have said it didn't exist. Love exists, companionship, dependence and compatibility, yes. But the heart stopping, undeniable connection, can't live without each other, born from the same essence type love, NO.

    And then I met my husband.

    He is the cheese to my macaroni, the frosting on my pop tart, and the elbow in my right arm. Without him, my life would have no flavor, and I would be rigid, functioning, but not with ease.

    The three years we spent trying to deny what we both already knew were agonizing for both of us.

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    1. Can I just say--this made me smile so much!!! I must type exactly what I said: "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! That's love!"

      Hugs to you!

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  6. 1. There was no way to NOT cry at that scene because the music is so moving. GREAT soundtracks to all the movies-love them all!

    2. I don't consider myself jaded but I'm not sure that kind of love does exist...but I hold hope that it does.

    3. I think that women like you, and most recently me, are stronger, braver, and more admirable for continuing to believe and have faith despite staggering proof otherwise. Also for NOT settling for the first guy who is interested but deciding to wait for the right guy.

    Don't get me wrong, my waiting is nowhere near as intense as yours, but I refuse to fall into bed with a man to not feel "lonely" or with the first man who shows interest-nope...holding out for somebody of quality. That is strength these days, my friend.

    Never stop being you and crying at love stories...even if they are about glittering vampires and awkward women. :) HUGS

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    1. Those soundtracks are some of my favorites, too. I love them. (super glad to know I'm not the only crybaby during that scene.)

      I believe it exists, but in very small quantities. In a way, perhaps that's how it should be.

      And...#3 made me cry. You're right--we are strong and brave. It does take an awful lot of strength these days, but, you know, it feels like an accomplishment, believing and holding strong.

      Many Hugs to you~

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  7. Yes, Frisky Virgin, it does exist! I met my true love when I was 19, fell in love with him after out first date and still love him 35 years later! He was not the type of man I usually dated (the bad boy types) but he was certainly the type I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

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    1. Awwwwwwwwww! See, I love reading stories like these. Maybe for some, it just takes longer for him to show up. I've always believed it's all about timing.

      Funny, my mom has always said he'll likely be the one I least expect to capture my heart. :)

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  8. If believing with my heart of hearts, that love -the true kind, the unselfish kind, the jump over the moon kind, really does exists, makes me a fool, well, then I guess I am.

    A hopeful heart, is a love waiting to happen!

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    1. Yay, another fool! I'm cool with being a fool. (Totally didn't mean to get all rhyme-y there. lol)

      LOVE this: "A hopeful heart is a love waiting to happen!" So true. So very, very true. :)

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  9. The only reason we don’t see it in everyday life is because no one steps up and actually makes it happen. -best line on the post. I totally agree with you on so many levels. I don't know, maybe it's just me being idealistic and all, but I do try to find this kind of love you are talking about even if it means getting hurt in the end. Afterall, those who take the most risks are usually the ones that end up being the happiest. :) Cool post, cool post. :)

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    1. I totally understand what you mean. It's tough to gamble with your heart, though. Still, sometimes you have to listen to your heart and have faith.

      Thank you so much. :)

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  10. Love is a funny thing, Miss Virgin. I've seen Indian women who had arranged marriages say they later fell in love with their husbands. The kind of love you want definitely exists - Paul and Linda McCartney was a classic show business example. Sadly, not everyone is that lucky, but I admire you for persevering.

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    1. Awww, Paul and Linda! Perfect example!

      Thank you--perseverance should be my middle name. lol

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  11. Frisky, keep on hoping; it does exist. 28 years later, I'm still convinced. You'll find him one day, when you least expect to!

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    1. Hope is hard to kill, even when it's annoying and you want it to go away for a while, so I'll keep that hope going. lol I'm pretty much to the "least expect to" phase. lol

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  12. I think true love does exist: actually, I know it does! I believe people feel that it has to be all fireworks and thrills 24/7 to be true love, but really true love is a steady, firm knowledge that you love someone with your whole heart. It gives you a foundation in your life and confidence to try anything because you know you love that other person and they love you.

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    1. Beautifully said, and I totally and completely agree. *Hugs*

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  13. Wow, you cried during Twilight? :O

    Haha, kidding. And to answer you question, I like to hope that there is this kind of love out there :)

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    1. *hides head* I'm so embarrassed, but, yes, totally cried! lol

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  14. Dear Frisky Virgin, I have no time on my hands to be doing anything but studying. So naturally, it's time to procrastinate. Today my form of procrastination will take the shape of a guessing game. You don't know how often I wonder what you do for a living. It's a curiosity fueled by your reluctance to tell us, ambiguous posts, and just plain mysteriousness. But I've narrowed it down to a few using the few clues I have.

    1. Doctor. You are an extremely intelligent individual from what I can tell and this definitely requires a lot of schooling. Maybe Psychiatrist or pediatrician. Possibly surgeon, although probably not.

    2. Pharmacist. Because I had to guess it since that's what I spend my life worrying about.

    3. Lawyer. You strike me as a lawyer-type person maybe.

    4. Engineer some sort

    5. Corporate Officer. Because that would be cool

    I'm thinking three and four are most likely. But I really have no idea whatsoever. I don't expect you to tell me if I'm right, but maybe it will at least amuse you slightly :)

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    1. Lex, you are too adorable, and, yes, I found your five choices completely amusing...and incredibly brilliant. ;)

      I'm really not trying to be mysterious or anything like that. I just wanted--and needed--my blog to focus on this personal journey of mine (dating, observations of the social side of life, etc.) and, in a way, be a support. :)

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