Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Bridget Jones, You Disappoint Me.

Bridget Jones, friend and mascot to all single, thirty-something women around the globe, has just made me want to chuck eggs at my television.

On a particularly drab Sunday, boredom struck at approximately 2:17 a.m. When boredom hits a sometimes insomniac, certain things that one would find exceedingly dull become the most interesting things in the world, like infomercials or, in this case, special features on The Edge of Reason DVD.  

Under the special features, there was a "Who's Your Man" quiz.  All I have to do is answer a series of questions and it will choose a man that is right for me.  At the end of the quiz, it will evaluate my answers and show me who my perfect partner is: Mark Darcy or Daniel Cleaver.

If I get Daniel, I should just hang up underwear and call it a day, I thought to myself.

Here is a sampling of the questions and answers I selected:

What is your idea of a perfect kissSo, it's going to be either sweet, tender, with a bit of tongue or passionate, purposeful, all tongue.  Well, ideally you want the sweet to end up at the passionate, so both...but I can't choose both.  Dilemma.  I guess if we're talking for starters, I'd go with the sweet, tender, bit o' tongue.

You've just seen an unfaithful ex after a long time.  How do you reactEasy, I remember how miserable he made me feel

How do men in tuxedos make you feel? Um, hot under the collar, for sure. James Bond, anyone?

After more questions like the above, it was finally time to find out who my perfect man will be! Terribly exciting for a boring night!

Daniel ding-dong, but v. bad:

Credit: Universal Studios Publicity Photos




Or Mark, double ding-dong and v. good:

Credit: Universal Studios Publicity Photos


Mark or Daniel...Mark or Daniel...who will it be?

Ah, here comes my ideal mate!!!

*Screen Flash*

Neither Mark nor Daniel is right for you.

WHAT?! NEITHER?! THAT WASN'T AN OPTION WHEN I STARTED THIS DANG QUIZ!!!!

You are too carefree and cool to let any man tie you down.  You are enjoying being single on your terms.  The chase and being in control are what turn you on. You're not ready to fall in love, settle down, and have babies--there are just too many men and not enough time.

HUH?! Apart from being single on my terms, I must wholly disagree with its entire evaluation.

This is where boredom turned into determination: I retook the quiz...several times...until I got an actual man. Pathetic, I know, but I suddenly thought I might jinx myself if I accepted "neither" as my answer.

Finally, I got a man:

Credit: Universal Studios Publicity Photos




Mark Darcy: You are a Mark girl.  You're looking for a man who accepts you for what you are and loves your wobbly bits.  Mark is that sort of man: kind, considerate, coy, stable, and sweet. Men like Mark are gentlemen through and through and beneath that conservative exterior beats a heart of gold, which needs a woman like you to keep it pumping.

Ah, much better. Perfectly on point. I approve. See, it got me absolutely right! *we won't mention its initially incorrect assessment or the subsequent tries it took for the dang thing to finally give me a man*

34 comments:

  1. Haha, Miss Virgin! Couldn't you have just declared the quiz to be a bogus piece of donkey's doo-doo?

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    1. GB: :) I certainly could have, but rational decision making from a sleep-deprived brain just isn't going to happen, particularly when faced with the word "neither." lol

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  2. Well, it was a quiz on a DVD after all. Sounds like you managed to wheedle your way to a nice guy though. Have you ever taken that personality test with the four letters that was all the rage?

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    1. Yep, and yet I still had to defeat said evil DVD quiz. lol Thank goodness it didn't decide to give me Daniel. That would have been far too ironic.

      It doesn't sound familiar--what's the quiz called?

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    2. http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

      It's named after two men I think but that's where you take the test. It's surprisingly accurate

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  3. HaHa! too funny. I love the "just too many men" line!

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    1. :) Yeah, there was just way too much irony in that line, considering I couldn't get the dang thing to give me one man, either Daniel or Mark. lol

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  4. Reminds me of eHarmony. Thousands of men, and was compatible with NONE of them. Awesome.

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    1. Ugh, those dating sites can actually say that you're not compatible with anyone?! I didn't know that!!!

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    2. Yes. Even when I tried to answer the questions they way they wanted. Still "INCOMPATIBLE WITH OUR MATCHES".

      Thank God Tony was scraping the bottom of the barrel with me, huh? :)

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    3. Well, after my DVD "Neither" annoyance, I'm now certain I would get "Incompatible with our matches" if I tried the online dating thing. Frankly, that's just plain cruel of them to do!!!

      But, it just goes to show you and Tony were meant to be. :)

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  5. I adore Colin Firth. I would totally stalk him if I had any money and knew where to find him. I fell in love with him when he was Mr. Darcy in The Pride and Prejudice mini-series. If I took a quiz like that and got Daniel, then I think I'd take to my bed for a month. I don't know what that personality test is called. I've never taken it. I read that employers quite often use it although it's been proven totally unreliable and meaningless. You get letters like INTJ or SSFS (Slutty Skank Firth Stalker). I am the kind of person who would probably receive a different evaluation every time I took the personality test because I can't decide who I am. I am also frequently bored at 2 a.m. because I can't sleep. Thank God for the DVR.

    Love,
    Janie Junebug

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    1. Oh, I LOVE Colin Firth, too! Pride & Prejudice is one of my absolute favorites! Mr. Darcy. Sigh.

      LOL--and all the letters stand for something, I guess? Interesting. I'm not sure how anyone can be accurately measured. Humans are so unique that trying to box them into some letter system seems illogical.

      Oh, I know, On Demand and the DVD player are my best friends in the wee hours of the morning. lol

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    2. That test sounds like the one I mentioned but there's no sluttly Firth stalker letters. No test like that is ever perfect but for me and most of my friends it was very accurate

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  6. HAHAHAHA!!! I hate to laugh, but it's so ridiculous! How can they give you two options and then pull a third option out of a hat??

    And, don't tell, but, I'd make sure Colin Firth was "my man". lol

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    1. Oh, I finally laughed over it, especially when I think of how manic I was pressing buttons on my poor DVD remote. By darn, I will get this thing to give me a man! lol

      Oh, I know--Colin Firth is just, well, *SIGH*. :)

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  7. oh geez. That is the kind of answer I would get! I always get the most random of answers and rarely the ones that I want. Glad that it worked out in the end.

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    1. LOL--Exactly. I'm glad it finally gave me a man and that man was Mark Darcy. I might have inadvertently broken my remote if it gave me Daniel Cleaver. lol

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  8. hooray for mark darcy!! and you!

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    1. Took it long enough, but it finally gave me the right man. :) If only it could, you know, actually deliver said Mark Darcy to my front door. lol

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  9. the first few tries must have had a glitch in them.. :)

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  10. I only take quizzes in which I know Draco Malfoy is one of the men that could be right for me.

    And he always is.

    Of course, I fudge my answers to get him as my perfect mate. He's misunderstood as a character, therefore the answers that point to him are irrelevant.

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    1. Chanel: LOL--Draco! Chanel Malfoy--actually, that REALLY sounds like a Malfoy family name. :)

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  11. Fun thing to do in the middle of the night! Colin would be a good catch.

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  12. Daniel's not good for anyone! Who the heck would want that jerk anyway?!

    Darcy forever

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    1. Noooo, he isn't. Daniel is a player.

      Darcy is the good kind.

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  13. Oh no! I just laughed so hard. That WOULD happen you know? I would have taken it again and again until I got one too, don't worry :) hahahahahahahahaha

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    1. LOL--I know, right?! I couldn't believe it. LOL. Oh, yeah, there was no way I was going to settle for "Neither" as my answer. lol

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  14. I don't know if those sorts of quizzes actually. Maybe they do. Probably not for me though, I usually try to answer the questions so I can get the answer I want. Which isn't the point, but I do it anyway.

    But why would they put neither as an option? That's freaking weird.

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    1. LOL--I didn't even think to answer the questions to get the answer I wanted. Of course, I didn't think it would give me "Neither" as an answer either. It was such a trap quiz. Ugh!

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