The Fisherman

This was a guest post I wrote for Kit-Kat a long while back. I’m not sure if she’s still blogging—I haven’t seen anything from her in quite some time. She was a sweetheart—I hope she’s doing well.

Honestly, the timing couldn’t be more appropriate for this one. It’s not the first time I’ve talked about The Fisherman type, but some topics just need expanding. I’ve been thinking about writing a certain piece for a while…and last week, I wrote it. BIG step. I’ll probably post it next week—you’ll likely know what I’m talking about when you see the post title. It’s something that is long overdue.

Anyway, as a sort of preface to that upcoming post, this is The Fisherman, exactly as I wrote it for Kit-Kat. Hope you like it.

A little about me: I am The Frisky Virgin—a character, girly-girl, all sports-loving, virgin-next-door.  Long ago, I decided to wait for love…of course when I made that decision, I didn’t think in a million years I would be in my early 30s and still waiting.  So, naturally, I’ve gotten quite frisky over the years.  This virgin makes it her mission to slay virgin stereotypes, help others, and enlighten people about exactly what it’s like to date in a sex-centered world. 

When I’m not in the middle of hell-dating, I find that men typically fall into several categories: The Good Kind (near extinction); Fickle Fiddles; The Players (far too many); The Players who think they’re The Good Kind (very dangerous); etc.

Then, there is the trickiest, stickiest, most insufferable of all male sub-species: The Fisherman.  If you haven’t met a Fisherman, consider yourself lucky.  The Fisherman casts his line, looking for the sweet, unsuspecting female fish.  Once hooked, The Fisherman looks for a different kind of fish on the sly.  

How to recognize The Fisherman’s Bait: Often disguised as The Good Kind; usually says he’s looking for his soul mate; compliments you enough to keep you around; eventually fails to keep his word, but follows up with a flurry of false hope; after you’ve been around a while, he may disappear for a chunk of time, then come back, showering you with attention; keeping you waiting is his game.

He may believe he will one day be ready to settle down and expects you to be there, hanging on the hook for when he’s ready to yank you into his boat. Why is he so dangerous? Because while he’s sampling various kinds of spicy fish, you’re stuck on a dang hook, wasting precious time, hoping The Fisherman will one day come around.

So, how do you deal with The Fisherman? It’s very simple. Take yourself off the hook…turn yourself from a tiny, unassuming fishy, into the one thing all fisherman fear the most: Jaws. Yes, my friends, the only way to handle The Fisherman is to Go Jaws. 

What does it mean to “Go Jaws?”  All you have to do is eloquently use the art of verbal communication to face The Fisherman. Politely and calmly call him out on his ways and refuse to take his bait.  Sound a little too uncomplicated?  It is, but The Fisherman isn’t accustomed to his little fishes being too smart to take the bait or too strong to remove it. 

So, next time you come across The Fisherman, just cue the theme to Jaws and consider yourself safe from the hook. After all, would Jaws fall for a measly little fishing hook? Hell no. He’d eat the boat.