My makeup is mocking me.
Okay, maybe it’s not really mocking me, but it is chock full of irony.
I received this eye shadow set as a complimentary gift for
spending money my loyalty.
Just have a look at the names of the eye shadows:
You see correctly.
When I saw it, I had the following reactions:
* Eye roll
* Immediately look for a hidden meaning
- We begin with Heaven, a nice whitish-beige hue. Meaning: Obviously it’s saying I’m an unearthly angelic being. *ahem* We’re going with this meaning ’kay?
- Push-Up, a shiny taupe color. Meaning: My choice of dates might improve if I invest in a push-up bra. Bit crude.
- Silver Spoon. Meaning: Until I get that push-up bra, I will need said spoon for indulging in copious amounts of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and Captain Crunch cereal. Jackwipe. We must improve from here.
- Moving to a lovely matte black shadow called Smolder. Meaning: Ah, well, this is simply telling me I need to work on the sexy. Fair play.
- Ooh, the shimmering, pinkish Satin Sheets is next. Meaning: Start improving on the sexy by getting a pair of pink satin sheets. My favorite color and encouraging shopping?! This one is a winner.
- The crème de la crème, Like A Virgin. Meaning: Well, it’s just stating the obvious, isn’t it? I mean, apart from the “like,” since I actually am a virgin. Thank you for the unnecessary reminder. I’ll just be a smoldering virgin in my satin sheets, thank you very much.
- Honeymoon. Hurray! Meaning: The virgin moves to a golden honeymoon! Quite like this one. Want to stay on this one.
- Ever After! Wait, we move from Honeymoon to Ever After! Oh, I do like this! Meaning: Happily Ever After. *swoon & embarrassing girl squeal I will only do in private*
So, my angelic self should invest in a magical bra with man-alluring powers while realizing I must drown my woes with a few thousand silver spoonfuls of ice cream. Eventually, I will somehow find my inner sex-kitten and smolder underneath some pink satin sheets until he comes along. Then, this little virgin gal will honeymoon her way to happily ever after. Hurray!
Oh no. Slight dilemma. I can’t possibly use this eye shadow set now! Using it would make it all messy, gunk up the words, and possibly, inadvertently jinx the potentially accurate hidden meaning…you know, the one I made up…for myself…yeah.