Monday, November 21, 2011

The Annual Thanksgiving Grocery Trip

I know I'm way behind on reading. Ugh, I feel so bad when I fall behind. I will be working through blogs, I promise.

Late today was our annual Griswold Family Thanksgiving Grocery Trip. Every year you can usually count on at least one completely humiliating instance...and this year didn't disappoint.

This year, my mom could go, which was wonderful.  And she had her moments...which I'm not at liberty to share...but really want to. 

There were some near misses:

* Mom, needing my help, unwittingly brought me too close to the fish station. Not a good place for my nose and gag reflex. When the unmistakable scent of fish guts burned the tip of my screaming nostrils, I felt it.  It always begins the same: a wave flows up my throat, sending a quiver to my chin and a curl to the bottom lip, ending with a rather remarkable sound effect and, I would imagine, an unforgettable sight. Luckily, I hauled it from the fish and managed to stop the effect somewhere between chin quiver and lip curl.

* I asked my dad if cut green beans were the same as sliced green beans. Dad laughed. Loudly.  Shopper Lady started laughing.  I felt like an idiot.  Did I miss the green bean category day in kindergarten or something?

* Near disaster: Heading for the crazy long checkout lines, I just had to spot some Holiday DVDs. So, while walking, I craned my neck to scan them because...well...I don't know why. Curiosity? Stupidity? *thinking* Yeah, it had to be stupidity. Anyway, when I turned back around, I was less than a half step from slamming into one of those displays in the middle aisle of the store. I kind of stutter-stepped around it, but didn't go far enough and had to kind of hug it. I wanted to disapparate. So, there I was, kind-of frozen, hugging a round display thing. Lord help me. On the plus side, I didn't knock it over--been there, done that already anyway.

Now, for the humiliating moment of the day. While trying to slip away to purchase, um, a package of, ahem, the feminine sort (re: for the monthly visitor), Dad, of course, caught me.

Dad: "Where ya goin'?"

Me: "Oh, just down there. Be back."

Dad: "Gotcha. You might want my help, though."

Me: "Huh?"

Dad: "Well, things like toilet paper and those women things are price traps. If you don't check those unit prices carefully, they'll nail you. Actually, let me just come show you what I'm talking about."

Me, trying to scurry away: "What? No. That's okay, really."

Dad: "It's good information to have for your future buys. Plus, women don't look at that stuff--they just grab and buy. I can probably save you a couple bucks."

He started kind of following me down the aisle, before he stopped, turned, and said rather loudly: "Hon, we're just going to be down there with the female pads and stuff.  Daughter needs my help."

Me, exclaiming at the same time he's saying what he's saying: "No! No. Shhh. know...really?"

Dad, the light dawning on him: "Oh, oops. Sorry about that."

Two men were standing right there by the milk. In his defense, I don't think he really saw the two guys and no one else was in that part of the store. Still, could he not show me the whole unit price thing (which I'm pretty sure he did already some years ago...that I kinda forgot over time) over some Bounty towels or Kleenex or something? I'm darn sure not going to forget now, I can tell you that.

All was quiet as we headed down the aisle...until Dad started his Cheshire cat laughing. Terrific.

All in all, it was a minor humiliation compared to years past. Next chance for catastrophic embarrassment: The Griswold Family Christmas Shopping Trip.

On the plus side:

1. Dale Jr. ended the NASCAR season 7th in points! He had an awesome year, especially with it being his first season with Steve.  Those wins may have escaped his grasp this season, but I think it just means they're storing up for next season.  Proud to be a Dale Jr. fan. Go Dale! (Awesome Chase finale, too. Tony Stewart's run was incredible. Epic final race).

2. Cowboys won in OT over the Redskins. Phew!

3. College football (minus names for fear of jinxing): Geaux.


  1. Hey, I have no idea about green beans either haha.
    And that's pretty embarrassing with your dad, but did he at least save you some money? ;) I probably fall into those price traps myself.

  2. Your embarrassment = my smile for the day :)

    I've done the green bean thing myself, just recently in fact. I love your sudden hugging of the aisle display. I've caught myself walking without paying attention and nearly hit something. I'm waiting until I actually walk into something.

  3. That 20 Something Virgin: He did! It was a total price trap! So, I did learn something, however mortified I might have been.

    Jay: :) I'm glad. :) Doesn't it seem like the green bean thing was this great secret some of us missed out on or something? Reckon karma thought I needed a hug...from a display. Yeah. :/

  4. OMG, this was so funny! Sorry but you know it was! :) Your story about your dad is priceless! I bet you turned all kinds of red, too! What I want to know is, how much money did he save you!?

  5. Yvonne: In the moment, not so funny. Afterward, yeah, I can see the humor in humiliation. lol Let me was close to, what, two dollars, I think??? I have to check the receipt, but it was pretty darn good. He's so good at finding the traps!

  6. There's a difference between cut green beans and sliced? long as they're green beans it doesn't matter!

    Hahahaha the dad story. You always seem to have funny stories about your dad :D And don't worry about the middle aisle display rack. I broke one in a store once because I didn't see it, no joke!

  7. What's the answer to the green bean question? Is it possible that they laughed at you because they were being smart asses and they didn't know themselves? Thank heavens my father never helped out with so-called feminine hygiene products. I would have died; however, Someone I Love had no problem asking her dad to pick up some tampons or whatever at the store. I'm glad she felt comfortable with him.


  8. This is the funniest story I read in weeks. Thanks for sharing :)

  9. Maybe you dad was just proud he had a fertile daughter!

  10. Yeah, I'm particular about my green beans, so I actually do know the difference. Sliced green beans are gross. Cut are my second choice, however. I prefer whole green beans. Believe it or not, there's actually a taste difference between all three. At least, to me there is!

    And, LOL! Disapparate? That's quite a word you coined there, Frisky. I like it! A cross between disappear and evaporate, huh? :)

    So it seems even an innocent trip to the grocery store can be ripe for humiliation and hijinks in your family, eh? Hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

  11. OH MY GOD I would have DIED if my dad did that to me! Which, thankfully has not happened. I do everything I can to make sure I'm ALONE when shopping for such necessities. Disapparating would have been a blessed ability at that point! (But you can share the price traps that you've learned about . . . LOL)

    And um, I don't like green beans, but I would have asked about the difference as well. Because really, cutting is slicing and slicing is cutting. :o)

  12. Ha ha ha ha! That's what dads are for!

    BC LIONS are in the GREY CUP and we've got tickets!!!!!

  13. Anna: lol--I'm still a little unclear on the difference, but at least I know now that there is one. lol Mom and Dad are hoots--there is always something. Oh my gosh, you actually broke it?! I'd say they should relocate them, but I'm afraid they'd find us anyway. lol

    LOLA: Yeah, I'm not entirely clear on the difference--something about sliced ones being French style, maybe? Yeah, it was a little mortifying. :/

    Starlight: :) I'm so glad it made you smile!

    GB: *blushes* lol

    David: Okay, so there's a taste difference between the three? Is that the primary difference, then? Because I'm still a little foggy on that part. lol

    Ah, disapparate is from the world of Harry Potter. I wondered if any Potter fans would pick up on it. And, yes, it just means to disappear or evaporate instantly from a place. :)

    And you and your family have a very Happy Thanksgiving as well!! *Hugs*

    Eva: :) I'll tell him...he'll give that Cheshire cat grin.

    J.Day: I really thought I had done enough to sneak off unnoticed...evidently I was wrong. You have to look at the unit price (usually in orange next to the actual item price) and compare quantities. He frequently finds the best savings on toilet paper, paper towels, etc. (paper products--where they love to set price traps). You could end up paying less, but getting less product as well, so you're not actually getting a deal at all. It's a little confusing, but I'm learning. lol I'll get a better explanation from Dad--maybe I'll have him write it up for me and I can post it here. LOL

    You would think--cutting/slicing...I mean, could we get any pickier?! lol

    Carole: You got that right! lol

    OH YAY!!!!!!!! Oh, please write up a post on the game--I'd love to read all about it!!!!!!!!!

  14. I noticed disapparate. Potter speak is part of my everyday world. I cast spells wherever I go.


  15. I cannot remember the last time I went shopping with my parents..for them sure but not with them. It actually sounds really nice. Maybe a bit humiliating but I think it is so nice that you go with them. :) I am sure it will be a fun filled Thanksgiving. I cannot wait to hear all about it!

  16. LOLA: :) I love to work Potter speak into everyday conversation--it's just fun.

    Jewels: :) I always enjoy it, despite the humiliating moments and, let's face it, I already know to expect those. lol *Hugs*

  17. Your posts always make me laugh. I'm sorry it's at your expense. You do have a loving family, though.

    I think that question about green beans is rather astute and I must've skipped class that day too. I have no idea, so I just stay away from green beans altogether.

    Happy Thanksgiving, dear FV.

  18. I don't like ANY seafood so whenever I'm doing grocery shopping, I stay away from that section, because if I go there I make weird facial expressions and people look at me like I'm overreacting to the smell :P

    hahahaha, omg, that must have been terrible!
    And I thought I was the only one who gets into these awkward situations!

    By the way, I awarded you on my blog :D

  19. Robyn: :) Aw, it's okay, I laugh at myself all the time. lol I do love my family--they mean the world to me. And who knew there were different kinds of green beans? :/ Staying away from them all together is probably the best idea ever. lol Happy Thanksgiving to you too!! *Many hugs to you*

    PurpleMist.: Oh, me either. I don't eat seafood--can't stand it. You know, I'm really glad to see someone else reacts that way to fish. And you are so not overreacting--not even a little bit! Honestly, just the thought of the smell of fish makes me want to gag. lol

    LOL! Trust me, you are not alone in the awkward situation department!

    Aww, thank you! I'll go straight there! *Hugs*

  20. Frisky my darling you always handle these awkward situations with grace and humour. I am such a creep though because I've used purchasing those feminine products to torture the males in my family on purpose. =P

    Have a Happy Thanksgiving, love.~

  21. Kat: :) Aw, thanks. I try. Figure it's better to face life with humor.

    LOL--Okay, that brought the laugh tears!

    Happy Thanksgiving to you too, darlin'! *Hugs*