Here’s a little tongue-in-cheek for your Tuesday. If you haven’t watched the show True Blood, don’t worry, it’s not necessary for this.
Eight things True Blood taught me:
- In small town Louisiana, you can’t flip your hair without hitting some ridiculously hot supernatural man. Note to self: Move to Louisiana or any small town where weird, unexplainable things happen.
- Said ridiculously hot supernatural men think nothing of putting their lives on the line for the woman they love, whether they’re getting any or not. Note to self: Seriously, buy a map, do research, move.
- For Halloween, dress up as Little Red Riding Hood. If you saw the finale, no note needed; if you did not, said costume makes for a Halloween full of, um, treats.
- Fairy blood is like having beer running through your veins. Note to self: Hmm, maybe try to create the illusion that virgin blood has the same effect??? Maybe not.
- Fairy blood attracts loyal, sexy, brave men who will always protect you. Note to self: Really, it couldn’t hurt to beg the nonexistent parallel world of Fairyland for a blood transfusion.
- One very single, very sexy, very loyal werewolf needs a nice girlfriend with no drama. Um, yeah, hiya. If the writers don’t intend to move Sookie in that direction and they just happen to need a girl for Alcide…um, yeah, hiya, again. Note to readers and that tricky little subconscious of mine: Hey, don’t judge—that role would be the most action I’ve had, well, ever.
- Virgins are sexy, desirable, cute, and funny: Sookie, who was a virgin in season one, and Jessica, who is an immortal virgin—see #8. Finally, a popular show that doesn’t stereotype virgins!!! Yay! Of course, they’re also a little different: Sookie is telepathic…and a fairy…with fairy blood…that makes men drool. Hmm, yes, best to stop this train of thought since I’m not a telepath…or a fairy…or have damn fairy blood that makes men drool. Note to self: Scratch #7 entirely.
- Immortal virgins are sexy, desirable, cute, and funny. Jessica left her mortal life a virgin before being reborn a vampire. Vampires have self-healing abilities. Every time Jessica has sex, her body, for lack of a better word, reconnects itself. Thus, she is a forever virgin and every time is like the first time. Doesn’t seem to bother the men of Bon Temps…well, unless the guy you dumped rants and raves and says mean things, like not wanting to spend his life with a forever virgin. Yeah, um, best not to focus on him.
So, in summation: I need to relocate to a weird little town dressed as Little Red Riding Hood, beg for admittance into Fairyland, get a fairy-blood transfusion, and wait for the vampires, shifters, werewolves—oh my!—to find me. Or, I could plead the writers of True Blood to create a little virgin character for Alcide, which, of course, would magically fall to me. Both options seem so likely. *note the whimsical sarcasm* Decisions, decisions. *note the unspoken decision to remain in dreamland…for the moment, anyway*
I bet you taste good, Miss Virgin. Would you allow a man to give you a hickey before marriage?
ReplyDeleteThis was funny. I can't help but think a self-healing virgin is kind of cheating :p
ReplyDeleteI'm definitely not a virgin, but may I come along to the weird little town and get the Fairy Blood too? I don't have all that much going on right now, so I'm totally available whenever you're ready to leave.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Lola
GB: *blushes* Well, thank you. Hmm, do men still do the hickey thing?
ReplyDeleteJay: :) LOL--Yeah, it kinda is, isn't it?! lol
LOLA: It's definitely not a virgin-only trip and I'd love the company, soooooo absolutely pack up and let's go get that dang fairy blood!!! :) lol
Most guys left hickeys in high school; but come to think of it, that's also where most girls left their virginity!
ReplyDelete(note: this was not a jab at you Frisky--it was just a statement of fact)
I liked giving my ex-husband hickeys when we were still married and he still had a winkie. I didn't care for being on the hickey receiving end. I read your Harry Potter posts and loved them. Always trust a Potter lover. Luminos!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Lola
Eva: :) I know, and it's true.
ReplyDeleteLola: lol! Thank you, I do love Harry Potter! Expecto Patronum! :)
Thanks for stopping by, Frisky. I didn't see the race (was working) but I did hear how well Dale did! :-) Wish my Bears could've played a bit better - felt sorry for our quarterback. Jay ate far too much turf at the Super Dome on Sunday.
ReplyDeleteI most certainly will have a good week - I am currently on vacation! Yippee!! Don't have to be anywhere near that place until 8 a.m. Tuesday of next week :-D Nothing planned except a bit of fall housecleaning and relaxing. Sat on my butt all day today...and it felt oh so good to do so!
You have quite a plan, LoL :)
ReplyDeleteImmortal virgins ftw! :)
ReplyDeleteOh, deary, this was too funny. I also read that Joe Manganiello is now single and found this article on 12 ways to impress him: http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-12-ways-to-impress-joe-manganiello-now-that-he-is-single/ I swear, every time I see this website I think it is you writing it cuz it's called the frisky.
ReplyDeleteWould your new address be:
ReplyDeleteThe Frisky Virgin,
Hicksville, USA?
chocolateangel: I was very lucky to catch the race on a Monday--Dale did a fantastic job. I read where they had *just* enough gas to finish the race. Phew. I become far too stressed during football season. lol I'm SOOOO glad you are having a wonderful, relaxing week! Just enjoy!
ReplyDeleteStarlight: LOL--Sounds totally fool-proof, huh? ;)
with cherry on freakin' top: LOL! :)
Barsola: Wait. What? Single? Did you say "single?" The sexy werewolf is single on the show and in real life?! Oh, now I really must beg the writers!!! lol I thought he was married or engaged or something. I do feel bad he and his significant other are going through a break up--those are never easy.
Carole: I'd like to think of it more as, oh, I dunno...maybe Sexy-Magical-Non-Singletonville, USA. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm definitely not a virgin, but I'm willing to pretend that I'm a virginal fairy with blood that will make a werewolf with pecks bigger than my boobs fall hopelessly in love with me. Because, really, isn't that what life is all about?
ReplyDeleteJaime: LOL--Absolutely!
ReplyDeleteSo, I'm not a virgin...but I'm SO with you. You need a roomie in this small, weird things happen here, town? If you do...I'd like to throw my resume in the pile because I would LOVE to live in a Bon Temps kinda town! :)
ReplyDeleteJewels: Oh, heck yeah, roomie! You and I on the prowl in a Bon Temps-like town! One word: Fun. :)
ReplyDelete