Holiday Wishes for an Asshat

Some men are like the abominable snowman in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer--mean, arrogant, and slightly stupid...until you play on said stupidity and yank out all of their teeth.  Only then will they finally see how far up their own anus they've been.

Consider the following my cosmic attempt at tooth extraction of a truly first class asshat.  And, since it's Christmas, this shall be done in fine holiday style, complete with iconic movie references. 

Holiday Wishes for an Asshat:

While in NYC, I wish for you to hit on a Rockette, who will see through your inflated ego and promptly high-kick your butt to 34th street, where you will ask Santa for a pair of balls.

After a good stare-down, Santa sarcastically does the "Ho-Ho-Ho," before shoving you down a nearby slide, which will deliver you to a grand, empty home in Chicago...empty apart from an eight-year-old boy.

Convinced you're a burglar, the boy will put one heck of a hurting on you, equipped with burning door handles, blow torches, and flying paint cans, one of which will knock you unconscious.

When you awaken, you find yourself under a chair in the form of a cat with a string of Christmas lights in your mouth. The ghost of Christmas future indicates a future as pitiful as this, should you continue your jackassy ways.  And just to make sure you get the point, the homeowner plugs in the lights and POUF! Your fried kitty self is dumped with the chair next to the gutter where Cousin Eddie emptied the full shi*!er. 

What a sad, smelly way to go.

Sweaty and panicked, you wake up and vow to hang up your asshat forever. 

The end. 

The beginning.

So, if you have a fellow asshat in your life (male or female), do them a favor by wishing them a cosmic tooth extraction. 'Tis the season, after all.