I must thank everyone for their comments on yesterday's post, Almost The Best. You all made some exceptionally good points that truly resonated with me.
I started thinking more and more about what Fellow Singleton said about 30+ singles never being someone's one. Though she made some great, if not alarming, points, I will have to disagree with her.
Between the thoughts swirling about my mind and those that you all posted, I've decided that you can be the one at any age. If things didn't work out with someone in the past, then they weren't meant to be. Period. If he (or she) compares you to an ex, so be it. Maybe you will be the one to show him (or her) how happy life can be. Maybe you will show him what it means to be with a genuine person.
I haven't really been able to put this whole thing into words...and now I know why--because it has already been done...in song. I can't believe I didn't think about this before--guess the whole concept just took me by surprise.
So, here you go--one answer to Fellow Singleton's proposed dilemma for all the 30+ singletons.
A lovely woman who is very dear to me was widowed at a relatively young age (I believe 55). She then met her second husband (a widower) and as much as they both loved their former spouses, I believe that they were each other's "one times two". You're never too old to be someone's "one".
ReplyDeleteGlad you are rethinking things. Love and the one are out there!
ReplyDeleteLOVE that song. I can't listen to it without getting all teary eyed. It's so cery true. It's impossible to live your life and not carry bagage, learn from those you are involved with, and grow as a person...all those people along the way make you who you are when you meet that special person. Such a great song for your current dilemma. Thinking of you, sweets.
ReplyDeleteI have that song on my Ipod. It reminds me of Bud. It is on my short list for first dance songs when (not if!) we get married.
ReplyDeleteI adore Rascal Flatts. This is one of the many that I love. It's hard for me to find a song of theirs that I don't like. I don't know if you've heard their newest single, "I'll Stand By You" or something along those lines, but I LOVE that song. Makes me tear up every time.
ReplyDeleteGreat song! I can't believe I hadn't heard it before. I'm glad your don't agree with your friend. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's very tacky to openly compare a spouse/love to a past spouse/love. What is the point in it? It doesn't matter if the comparison is positive or negative.
ReplyDeleteI recall a past girlfriend I had who always told me how wonderful I was and what a jerk her ex-husband was. It was an ego booster at first, but eventually I started feeling kind of bad for that guy and realized that I might be her number one right now, but someday I might be the guy she's ragging on.
As flawed humans I don't think we can help making comparisons, but this is something that is best kept to oneself. We can't take our words back and one day they may come back to haunt us.
Lee
Tossing It Out
well you're in your 30s and haven't found "the one". it can be the same for anyone else!
ReplyDeleteOK. I'm starting to catch up on all your posts I've missed in the last month, and I started with these most recent two. I have lots of unorganized thoughts. And I'm about to get super unromantic.
ReplyDeleteI truly think that there are a number of people with whom any person could be happy, and with the right attitude and relationship know-how, they make it work. I don't think it's a 1-to-1 ratio. Obviously, there has to be compatibility and all that. People tend to think this is very unromantic of me, but I really don't think every person gets exactly one soul mate. I knew an older couple who had been high school sweethearts, broke up when they went to college, married other people, lost those spouses to early deaths, reunited, and got married late in life. And they wouldn't have changed anything. I think they got two great loves, and much as it hurt to lose one, I think they're lucky to get two.
It's easy to fall into swearing someone's your soul mate once you're together because the idea of being happy with someone else just goes away. It's as if you were meant to be or whatever. I read a crappy romance novel the other day, and the hero said, "I've found a mate to my soul," which I thought was -- extremely trite, and I actually gagged a little bit but -- more accurate than "soul mate." He wasn't saying the universe or God or fate did it; he was saying that they connected on such a deep level that he couldn't imagine being without her. The connection is what makes the relationship so special. And maybe it is God. Who am I to say it's not? But "soul mate" implies that there's just one, and you can't be a soul mate to two people. But you can have that deep commitment with more than one person.
Sometimes, earlier relationships serve to teach someone how to reach that deep emotional intimacy. By the time your guy(s) get(s) to you, he'll know the value of having that person you can tell anything and be completely yourself with. You get the polished version, and someone else has to do the heavy lifting.
Waaaay better than Fellow Singleton's view. And seriously. You need nicer friends. It's fine for her to feel crappy about her singleness, but there's no reason to drag someone else down with her. You are GOING to find love, and don't let any of these Mean Magnifiers or Fellow Singletons convince you otherwise!
PS LOVE that song. They say it way better. :)
ReplyDeleteI didn't get a chance to read yesterday's post (going to do it now) but had to comment here and say wholeheartedly that you can be THE ONE at any time no matter what. It's about YOU being THE ONE. Not because someone deemed you so. It's about the beingness of you. oh I just want to hug you! x o
ReplyDeleteLove this song... I've actually made it part of my wedding vows for August. :)
ReplyDeleteIt will happen my friend... the raod is long, but worth it.
I didn't get married until I was 34. And he is the love of my life, and I am his. We certainly didn't settle for each other. I never thought I would meet anyone either, but I did. It happens when it happens, that's my opinion :)
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