So, it's March, the month of little dancing leprechauns, four leaf clovers, and luck. Maybe it takes a little time for the luck o' the Irish to kick in--it is only the 2nd, after all--but, by the way this week has started, I would say luck is taking a nap...with the leprechauns...in the clover.
Fellow Singleton: "You do realize that at this stage in the game, we will never be the one."
Me, utterly confused by out-of-blue comment: "Huh?"
FS: "Think about it, any man we meet our age or older, will probably have been in love, married, something along those lines...he'll have found the one already. She will always be the one we are measured against, even if he hates her."
Me: "Again...huh?"
FS: "Single women in their 30s or older will never be the best, but only the best the guy can do."
ICE COLD WATER IN FACE.
Me: "Um, that was harsh. So, you're saying hypothetical him will never see us as the best."
FS: "Right. Only the best he can do."
Me: "In other words, he settling."
FS: "Yep. We need to get used to lonely or being second best."
HARD PUNCH IN GUT.
So, are we destined to just be someone's "good enough?" Will he always long for the someone he never had or the one it never worked with?
Honestly, wouldn't it be kinda sad if a man (or woman, if the roles are reversed) compared every woman to a former flame? I mean, there's a reason it didn't work in the first place. And, wouldn't that mean she wasn't the one in the end?
I don't want or expect to be every man's best; I just want to be one man's best...one man's one.
There is a song by Brandy called, Almost Doesn't Count. Yeah. That. I am not cool with being someone's almost something special. I think it was kinda like that with Wasn't--if only I was older, if only I lived closer...if only, if only...thing is, when it comes to matters of the heart--to the possibility of happily ever after--there is no if only...there is no almost.
Ugh. My head feels jello-y-blah.
I've been wrestling with this topic all day myself. I started writing a post on it at lunch but just couldn't force myself to finish it.
ReplyDeleteThat is an interesting take on the subject.
ReplyDeleteNO!!!! I refuse to be someone's "second best"! Maybe I'm dillusional, but I just refuse to accept that. Think about it, have you ever been in love? Thought you found "the one"? I have, and it didn't work out, so for the rest of my life am I going to measure "him" up against all the others I date or meet? I'm not going to lie, in the beginning, I did that. Compare and contrast. But I think that that was all a part of the process I was going through to get over him. Does that make sense? None of us deserve to be second best or second choice or last choice even! I think it's all in the manner we choose to look at it. Dating blows. That's all there is to it. But still, deep, deep, DEEP in my hear of hearts, I still hope for love to come into my life. The kind that I deserve and with the man that deserves me. THAT'S how you and George and everyone else who is single should look at it. (George, I know you want a woman, not a man. lol) After all, what are we without dreams and aspirations and hope? Alright, getting off my soapbox now. :)
ReplyDeleteI respectfully disagree with your 'fellow singleton', FV. And I'll tell you why: I met MY One when I was 35!
ReplyDeleteI think it's a subjective situation because, I think, after time passes and they know more about each other and if they get married or are end up in a long term relationship, he could find that she's actually better than the last. I am sure of this.
ReplyDeleteI agree with chocolate angel! They've already been in and out of other relationships that didn't work: that other person wasn't the ONE. Let me tell you, when you are older, whatever man you fall in love with will know all the others were just a waste of time while they were waiting for you. You will be the one. When my honey tells me I am the love of his life, I believe him without a doubt in my mind. And this is after other relationships and a broken engagement on his part.
ReplyDeleteFellow Singleton is obviously focusing on the negative, here. While that is easy as hell to do, I try to not think that way. I want my Mr. Darcy. I want my "one". I don't want to settle. And I don't want someone to settle for me. I want my effing fairytale.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree to disagree with FS-usually at 30 people have been in prior relationships but there is a reason they are single and dating again-that person wasn't THE ONE! They may have thought they were, but somewhere along the line something went wrong, and they just weren't.
ReplyDeleteI'm also not so sure about this concept of "the one". I think there are a lot of people out there who could be a good match. Imagine the actual legistics of having only one person in the billions of people in the world that is "your one". That is ludacris. What if me "one' was born in Australia, India, etc...
Anyway-what I'm saying is you never have to be second best. There was a reason their ex is in their past-so they clearly aren't top rated at this point...meaning you can be.
No worries, dear. Chin up...you will be somebody's everything at some point...I just know it! :)
But you guys can't use the say that because a relationship didn't work out, one can't compare and judge the following partners after that one ex, because a relationship ends because of the BAD things, not the GOOD things. The good things linger.
ReplyDeleteAltough, I agree with PorkStar. Comparing is only made in the beginning, as time progresses and the relationship evolves, that ex will be "forgotten". If not, then he/she is not over that ex and shouldn't be in a new relationship at all.
by it's name, can't there only be one "the one"? yeah, i thought so. just like you'll find the one, you will be that person's one.
ReplyDeleteOk, so I watched the Brandy video. Did you notice that the cowboy gives her his hat? Cowboys don't give their hats to just anyone! He must have liked her. She just walks off with his hat and leaves him sitting in the truck hatless. I was hoping she would run after the truck or they would meet at the end of the video and she could give back to him and give the nice guy a chance at "being the one". Sigh.
ReplyDeleteMMMkay. She's WRONG. Period.
ReplyDeleteBut we all settle. At 20, 32, 76. We all settle. At some point, we take that Cinderella fantasy list and dwindle it down to "deal breakers". No one is perfect, and the one who is, won't expect you to be. :)
My hubby always says he's number one on a two man team (cause he's my second husband!) I'm his third wife...he says "Third time's the charm!!) We've now been married 27, nearly 28 years.
ReplyDeleteI agree FS is being a little negative about the whole situation, I will admit that yes I can be sometimes too BUT never that much. I think that there IS some one out there for everyone, no matter how long it takes for us to find them.
ReplyDeleteNone of us are perfect and I think we all see some flaws in a mate at certain points of the relationship. I don't know that it's necessarily an issue of being second best to anyone or anything because sometime we will be and at other times we will be the greatest thing in the whole world. People have moods and fickle times. I think it ultimately comes down to how we see ourselves and the standards we set for ourselves, not the expectations we have for other people.
ReplyDeleteLee
Tossing It Out
I wouldn't swallow that crap. The human brain is far more complex than that.
ReplyDeleteI totally disagree with your friend.
ReplyDeleteLet's face it, adolescents (men and women) are far more likely to "settle" or to just date someone because the person is interested in you. In their 30s, men (and women) have a better idea of what their ideal is.
I'd say that, instead of this being a bad thing, you missed out on a guy's trials and tribulations as he figures out what his "perfection" is. Now he'll know you when he meets you.
No worries :-)
Y'all are truly awesome--every single one of you! What exceptional insight! When you have Fellow Singleton in despair mode, it's hard to see the other side of things. Thanks for bringing that other side to light--I like it better on the bright side, anyway. ;)
ReplyDelete*Hugs to you all*
I think everyone pretty much covered it. FS is so wrong, it's ridiculous. If anything someone in their 30s is better. They're the upgrade, not the settling for.
ReplyDeleteOkay. Honestly, my initial response to reading this was to punch Fellow Singleton in the ear. but given that I'm not a violent person, then I wanted to cry at the pure jadedness and cynicism that fellow singleton shares with the world. If said "him" already found "the one" wouldn't he still be married to her?
ReplyDeleteThere is no such thing as NOT being The One.
Full stop.
Totally agree with Cinderita...I am nearly in my 40's and I whole-hearted believe that I will still find 'the one'...just met a few 'nearlies' along the way :)
ReplyDeleteLove yr blog :)
I really enjoyed this. The last part. Makes so much sense. And is insightful...so much so.
ReplyDeleteAlso. Fellow Singleton is an idiot.
Hi lovely! Okay, I just wanted to congratulate you on hitting 100+ followers AND I have a song for you. I was listening to it today at work via my youtube favorites and you popped into my head. I think you will love it. xo
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghZt2cILcCU&feature=autoplay&list=FLqHk-3O0LWyM&index=9&playnext=8