Thursday, March 31, 2011

Stereotype Slayer #13: Virgins Set Women Back

I cannot tell you how badly it chaps me when I hear a fellow woman accuse me of setting the Women's Movement back "one hundred years" simply because of my decision to wait for love. 

Their argument is as follows: For years, women were expected to be virgins come their wedding night.  If they were not, they were condemned, ridiculed, and mistreated.  Thus, women were sexually repressed by men.  Having gained sexual freedom, women finally freed themselves from the restraints men and society once placed upon them. Today, any woman who chooses to be a virgin is, in effect, reimposing past sexual restraints on all women. 

Compelling argument, is it not?  However, I must counter. 

First, and foremost, I have never preached that this decision is for everyone, nor will I ever do so.  I'm simply trying to show that this IS an option and hopefully convey the fact that not all virgins fit the ever-so-popular virginal stereotype(s).

Second, while in school, girls would tell me they felt as though their virginity was something they HAD to lose in order to "get" or "keep" a guy's interest; they told me they didn't feel like they had a choice.  This is something I have heard in various forms all my life--even into my 30s--and most, if not all, admitted regret for being pressured by a guy that it ultimately did not work out with. 

Perhaps it's just me, but I have to wonder how standing my ground in what I believe in could possibly set women back. If anything, isn't it showing women that they have CHOICES? Does it not help women understand that they don't have to "give it up" simply because a guy pressures them? That they can wait for when it's right and wait for the right man?

Please, tell me what is so wrong with showing strength.  Yes, maybe it is old-fashioned in theory, but in the heart, mind, and soul, this choice is about as independent as you are going to find.

Lastly, just in case you were curious, allow me to list a few famous women rumored to have been virgins until very late in life, until their wedding night, or upon their death:

*Queen Elizabeth I, "The Virgin Queen"

*Jane Austen, author of Pride & Prejudice, Sense & Sensibility, etc.

*Julia Child, virgin until she married in her 30s

I'm going to go out on a limb, here, and say that none of these women can be accused of setting women back.

Done and dusted.

Stereotype #13: SLAYED.


  1. I love this. So much. I completely agree and your argument is strong. No one can read that and not see your point. Especially about the fact that girls feel like they have to lose their virginity. Excuse me, but why would you WANT to keep a guy that expects that? Silly girls.

  2. There is nothing sexier than a proud virgin, Miss Virgin. Another one to add to your list is Connie Swail, also known as The Virgin Connie Swail, who was character in the film Dragnet. She was demure but principled.

  3. haha. Love you sweetie. You are doing what is best for you, what works for you, and if somebody doesn't like it they can shove off. Your decision, or any one elses, to wait for love/marriage is a personal decision and doesn't set back any movement. Some people just don't know how to tolerate any decision or way of thought different from their own. I feel bad for them personally...what a narrow way to live life. Keep being you because I love you just as you are!

  4. you're right, it's a choice, and isn't that what they're all about? really, if you "do it" just for the sake of doing it, that's like the opposite of being empowered and not "setting women back".
    next thing you know, women are going to want to start wearing pants ;)

  5. Wait a minute, I do not see you taking a stand against losing your virginity as a step backwards for women. I see it as a step forward... And there is nothing against being strong. You're saying... like me for who I am, not for what I put out.

  6. One would think... that it shows more strength and fortitude to go with your gut, and not with the times.

    "Well behaved women rarely make history" darlin, always remember that.

  7. Excellent points. Every woman should be able to make her own decisions. I do find it interesting that if a woman wasn't a virgin on her wedding night she was seen as not pure but I wonder if men were held to this same notion as well. If not, why are women held to standards men are not? Still irritates me that a man and woman can sleep with the same number of people and the woman is a slut but the man is a stud.

  8. They have to learn this goes both ways. What’s the difference between being judged for not asserting your independence by sleeping with anything that moves, and being judged for not remaining ‘pure’ for marriage? Both were/are collective beliefs attempting to strip you of your freedom. The point is you can choose what to do with your own life.

  9. Lex: Thank you, sweetie. It's so sad when I hear girls (young and older) express the NEED to have sex in order to KEEP a guy. I always say what you just did: Why would you want a guy who is making you feel that way? Is he worth it?

    GB: *Blushes* Thank you, Mr. GB. You are a sweetheart. I didn't know about Connie Swail--thanks for that!

    Jewels: Aww, I needed that! Love you back! You know, I think you hit the nail on the head--it's a narrow way of thinking, and I have to feel for them as well (you know, after the steam passes). ;)

    Aubree: Ah! Perfectly said! It really is the opposite. And, you know what? I'd rather be in jeans ANY DAY O'THE WEEK! Reckon that would shock 'em? ;)

    OT: Thank you so much! :)

    Furry: Thank you, that means a lot. *Hugs*

    Julianna: Well, I can attest to having to be pretty strong and thick-skinned taking this road in this day and time. It ain't easy! lol

    Barsola: Couldn't agree with you more! It's an awful double standard.

    Drake: Absolutely agree. Neither choice is perfect...neither choice is necessarily the best. All you can do is decide what is best for you. I'm not sure why some people feel the need to say you "should" live your life this way or that...isn't it kinda up to the individual, like you said? It's aggravating sometimes.

  10. We all have to make the decisions that work for us. Stand your ground.

  11. You're completely right, of course. What women have gained is the right to CHOSE their own paths!

  12. People will say what they want no matter what you believe or don't believe. None of that really matters, do what you want to do, stand for your beliefs and stay true to you. And don't ever apologize for standing your ground! :)

  13. Womens Libbers...I really can't stand them. It's ridiculous! If anything you are pioneering a NEW way of thinking. Stupid statements like that come from people who know nothing about teenage pregancies and the amount of kids out there who know nothing about protection who are catching STD's.
    What garbage!
    If they want to assert their sexual freedom, then by all means do it, but YOU have made your decision to, and that is to wait.
    And I applaud you.
    You are strong, and you stick by your right to choose.
    I didn't loose my virginity until I was 24, and I have no regrets. I was WAY to young to be thinking about sex in highschool.
    Kids today are sexualised WAY too young. It's disgraceful.
    Well done. You totally rock girl!
    Womens Libbers are so caught up in not trying to be repressed that they have forgotten that is the womans right to do whatever the hell she wants!

  14. The Women's Movement is about giving women the possibility to make their own choices, not particularly about sexual freedom. So how is being a virgin (specially if it's by choice) setting that movement back? I don't get the logic...