Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Share Mail: Pressure To Fit In

NOTE: THE PROM PRESSURE SHARE MAIL FROM JUST PRIOR TO THE BLOGGER HICCUP IS NOW POSTED WITH TODAY'S DATE, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS FROM LAST MONTH (MAY 11th). I DON'T GET IT. (Maybe it had to do with the labels that were messed up and appearing in the wrong places??? I finally figured out how to fix that, but it should NOT be appearing with today's date--you'll see the majority of comments are from the 11th. I don't get technology sometimes).


Frisky Virgin, 

I'm the only virgin of all my friends and they think I'm weird.  A lot of times I feel like I'm doing things to fit in or to keep up with them and stay in the group-like drinking or smoking and I don't feel good doing those things either.  They make fun of me because I haven't had sex and one guy asked me why I want to be weird.  Sometimes they leave me out of things.  How do you handle it? What do you say?  I've had enough and think if I just do it, then they'll get off my back.

Oh, sweetie, I understand exactly how you feel, but doing things to fit in or in the hope these people will ease up on you is not the way to go--that's not living your life...it's living theirs. 

Never feel you have to engage in activities you are not comfortable with simply to please your friends.  If they were your true friends, they would respect your choices.  Don't drink to make them happy; don't smoke to make them happy; don't have sex to make them happy.  Basically, you're making them happy for a moment--a blip in time--that's it...tomorrow or the next day, they will find something else you will have to do to please them.  It's a vicious cycle and a waste of your life.  YOUR life, not theirs. 

One important life lesson my mama taught me early on was this: No matter what you do, you will never please everyone all the time. In fact, there are some people out there you will NEVER please, no matter how hard you may try. The best you can do is live your life the best way you can, be happy with yourself, and NEVER let someone try to tell you how to live YOUR life. And, believe me, they will try. 

It's amazing how some people are so unhappy in their own lives that they have nothing better to do but to attack, tease, or otherwise try to hurt others.  I wish I could say people grow up and stop being ridiculously petty, but, unfortunately they do not.  Some people get this sick sense of fulfillment when ridiculing others. It's pathetic, nothing more, nothing less.

How I handle it:  I let it roll off my shoulder. I see those types of people for who they truly are and I feel sorry for them.  I stay true to myself, stand my ground, and keep on keeping on.  Again, it's my life, not theirs.

What I say: Not much. If someone comes at you, don't feed them. Just say something straightforward like, "Hey, this is me" or "Just as you are who you are, I am who I am, no apologies." One extremely effective phrase, should they keep at you or cross a line in your book, is this: "Shame on you." Never fails. Basically, you don't need to say much--you don't owe them anything.

Stay strong, darlin'.  There's nothing wrong with marching to the beat of your own drum.  People will try their damnedest to tear you down and get under your skin. Rather than letting their words get to you, look through them--read between the lines, feel sorry for these people, and hope they one day find whatever it is they are missing in their lives.

I know I'm making it sound easy--trust me, I cried in a pillow a time or two (or three or four)...and with each tear, I got stronger. You will too.

10 comments:

  1. Well said, Miss Virgin. You should found an organisation called 'Virgin Pride' which holds social events and marches and stuff. You should be its first queen.

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  2. When my sister was in school and she wanted to do something with the excuse, "But all of my friends are doing it, and they'll think I'm a loser if I don't!" my mom and grandparents always said, "If they all decided to jump off of a bridge, would you follow after them?"

    I think that pretty much sums it up.

    Of course, my sister always answered, "If it looked like fun, I would!" But she's kind of dumb sometimes. The answer is always supposed to be no.

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  3. I am so glad that you are touching others lives and helping the way the way you have reached out and helped me. I think it is wonderful to have such a message of loving yourself and believing in yourself and that you are spreading it to others. You know I adore you...keep up the great work, sweets.

    As for the lovely lady who wrote to you...no boy who pressures you to have sex truly loves/cares for you. I know it can be hard to see when all you want is to be loves/accepted but please believe us when we say that you will know when/if it is right and that you should not make any decision based upon what others think you should be doing. Stay strong and know that Frisky is ALWAYS just an email away...use her as an outlet...she is great!

    JewelsTurning30

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  4. Great advice; true words of wisdom!

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  5. wow thanks for this post cos i relate to it on so many different levels. Peer pressure is a bitch hey!
    I was wondering if you're intereste in being a guest blogger on my blog? i'll be so happy if u agree to it cos i think you're an amazing blogger. Email me at adorahnworah@yahoo.com if you are interested..xoxo

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  6. Great posts, darlin'! You're doing an amazing thing here. So many kids are struggling, with nobody they can really talk to about the pressures of growing up. Being here for them and reassuring them that they are in charge of their own lives is one of the most priceless gifts that anyone could give to them.

    You rock, Miss Frisky! You are such a beautiful person, inside AND outside and I feel truly blessed that you're my friend.

    Warm Hugs,
    ~Mrs B

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  7. GB: I would do that in an instant if it meant helping people. That's what it's all about--being there for others. :) You are so sweet! *Hugs*

    Chanel: You would think it would be that simple. I've known a lot of girls who say exactly what your sister said. :/

    Jewels: You are going to make me cry! Thank you. The very same can be said about you, my dear friend. *Hugs*

    Eva: Thank you so much, Eva. *Hugs*

    kitkat: :) Thank you so much, and, yes, peer pressure is so difficult. Sadly, it never seems to go away. I would love to be a guest blogger for you! Thank you so much for asking!! It means so much!

    Mrs. B: I am the blessed one to be able to call you my friend. You are going to make me cry, too!! lol Thank you so much. I can't tell you how much your support means to me. *Hugs to you*

    Zertuzzi: Well, thank you so much!! :)

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  8. I agree with all of the above. You are one wise lady Miss Frisky. xx

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