Thursday, June 23, 2011

When A Salad Looks Like A Pillow

Ever go on a date you really didn't want to go on just to please someone you know?

I found myself on one of these dates, something I affectionately refer to as ANDD (to be revealed at the end of the post). 

Bless him, I'm sure there is a match for him somewhere out there, ain't me. (Throwin' in some slang! Yee Haw! And, no, I didn't slang it up on the date...we Texans save our slang for very special a Cowboys game).

Conversing was a challenge, he hated sports, and laughing and/or joking was out of the question since at some point along his life he must have had a humor lobotomy.

When I asked him about his favorite sport, he said, "I'm not a sports man. That must be refreshing for a woman to hear."

Unless said woman loves sports. I instantly knew this man would have thought I was a crazed lunatic during the NBA Finals.

At one point, he started talking about some random topic like leaf pigmentation and all I could think about was how comfortable my salad looked.

The last time I worked so hard to keep the yawns at bay was during a lecture on Pythagorean theorem. The growing desire to rest my head on the table and use the salad as my pillow was rather was the fact that I didn't want to use toothpicks to hold my eyelids up--I wanted to jab them in my eyeballs just to get some sort of reaction from the man. 

We had nothing in common.  Zero. 

Moral of the story: When your salad looks like a pillow, you are on an ANDD, Ass-Numbingly Dull Date.


  1. eeeek, i've never been on a date that someone else set up for me, and after reading this i'm not sure i'd want to! haha.

    and what kind of salad was it, looking so comfortable? this information might be useful for future reference.

  2. It pretty amazing you haven't had loads of marriage proposals, Miss Virgin. Your husband could take you to sports games and comedy shows and make you wear a cowboy hat when you're nekkid. I suppose they all want to put their hand in the jar before signing on the dotted line.

  3. girrrrl. as soon as i read "hates sports" i knew that date wasn't going anywhere!

  4. You poor thing! What are the chances of your getting fixed up with a guy who doesn't like sports!!! Hope you have better luck next time.

  5. Out of all the guys in the big state of Texas, you get stuck on a boring date with the only one who doesn't like sports! :-(

  6. That 20 Something Virgin: I haven't had much luck with the "set up" thing.

    Oh, as for salad type--this one was a garden salad with the house dressing. Wouldn't worry about type--so long as there's lettuce. ;)

    Basically, it was full of fluffy lettuce (akin to feathers in a pillow) and cucumber slices, which I planned to strategically place over my eyes. Like I said, ANDD.

    GB: :) Thanks for that. You know, some men just can't see the rodeo without actually partaking in it. Oh well, their loss, right? :/

    Aubree: LOL He didn't like a single sport. It was rough.

    Eva: Sigh. I tell you, I'm beginning to think all the sports-loving men are married.

  7. chocolateangel: Oh, there are far more non-sports loving men than this one...across multiple states, I'm afraid. Not sure how I seem to always find them, but what can you do? lol

  8. Wow. That is awful! I am so sorry. What a little trooper you are to go on the date to please a friend. That guy would NEVER work for me either. I don't trust men who don't have a serious passion for at least one sport. I mean that literally...they scare isn't natural! I swear to you that if somebody brought up leaf pigmentation I would thank him for his time, get up and leave. Wow!

    I think I may have to do a post on my bad dates now! hehehe.

  9. See, and when my salad looks like a pillow, I know I need to go to bed.

    Sorry he wasn't the one... but at least you got a free meal. :)

  10. BooHoo! Immediately eat some ice cream. It's the only way to recover from a bad date :)

  11. Ugh, sounds so boring I almost fell asleep just reading about that date :P
    Not a single sport fan OR a sense of humor?! He sounds like one of those boring nerdy types who only talk about physics and photosynthesis. Better luck next time? :D

  12. HAHAHA! Oh you poor dear. Man have I missed your dating posts. HAHA! That is a good one. not into sports? Pfftt! Doesn't he know who you are? Sheesh! Well at least you made it out of that one alive!

    I've missed you! I have had so much trouble commenting for weeks so it's been tough to be enthusiastic...but I have been coming by! I promise!

  13. Jewels: LOL--I feel the EXACT can a man not like at least ONE dang sport?! Oh, please share your bad dates!! I need to know it's not just me who seems to find the worst possible dates. LOL

    Julianna: And believe me, I couldn't wait to get to my pillow. lol

    ms caboo: Chocolate-chip-cookie-dough frozen yogurt is a permanent fixture in my freezer. ;)

    Anna: I actually question if he knew how to laugh at all. :/

    Rita: I'm surprised I made it out of there awake, to be honest. lol Aww, I've missed you, too!!! I totally understand the commenting issues. *HUGS*

  14. Well, come to think of it Frisky, I did marry a guy who only watches ONE sport (football). The only interest he has in NASCAR is the mechanical/technical aspects of the cars...all other sports simply don't grab his attention.

    In a way, it's ex was a fan of several sports, and also had a short temper. Not a good combination when his team(s) were losing; I always had to make sure to hide the breakables!

  15. Ouch! That date sounded painful!

    Why is it that friends are terrible at setting up blind dates? You'd think they know you well enough to know who's NOT your type. But I hear this happening all the time from my own friends.

    Well, c'est la vie!

  16. Ass Numbingly Dull Date -hahaha! Perfect! Sorry about your boring experience! But I am curious as to who set you up. I mean, you would think they knew you well enough to know that you'are a sports fan kind of gal!

  17. chocolateangel: Oh, I'd be just fine if hypothetical him liked only one sport, but with tons and tons of passion. Can't be a so-so, fair weather, eh kind-of-fan. lol

    David: C'est la vie pretty much sums it up. ;)

    Yvonne: I honestly think it comes from that "opposites attract" mentality. This one was a little too opposite.

  18. Oh I hate ANDDs. They feel like they last for years when they may in fact last for 54 minutes and 12 seconds. So sorry.
    Hugs to you.

  19. Nothing gets a woman in the mood like leaf pigmentation, except maybe mentioning the boil on your foot.

  20. Are you saying that chicks don't dig the leaf pigmentation talk? I will make a note of that. Maybe that's why it never works as an opening line topic.

  21. Yikes that sounds b-o-r-i-n-g! zzzzzzzzzz
    I can't imagine being with a man who doesn't laugh. That's a big part of a relationship...laughing together, enjoying the other's laugh and sense of humour! And not into sports.....what the heck! xo

  22. Um, leaf pigmentation? WTF?? lol That's when I'd simply excuse myself to the ladies room and make phone calls to see who could call me back with an "emergency". Your anti-sport guy reminds me of a date where a guy thought we were kindred spirits and therefore felt that he could tell me his deepest darkest secret: he didn't like cheese. You could have knocked me over with a feather. lol

  23. I have never EVER gone on a date just to please someone else. And I never will after this story.


  24. oh.. so nice post.)
    Love your blog.))

    I now spend a survey of bloggers with such questions.
    1. Why did you create a blog?
    2. For whom you taking him? Want to be popular?
    3. How long will it keep going?

  25. Leaf pigmentation? No sports? That would have had me crawling out of the bathroom window right there. Mind you, l once went on a date with a guy who chased thunder storms as a hobby. Had to drink a lot of vodka to get through that one...

  26. Robyn: LOL--Exactly. And thank you for the hugs!!! *hugs back*

    Drake: I'm pretty sure I would've started uncontrollably gagging had he mentioned a boil on his foot. lol

    George: Yeah, I'd stay away from leaf pigmentation as a pick up line. ;)

    Carole: Laughing is crucial. I dearly love to laugh. I can't imagine a relationship without fun and laughs. BORING.

    J.Day: LOL Oh, Lord. Cheese?! Bwahahahaha That's priceless!!!

    Chanel: Yeah, I'm not normally one for the blind date thing. In fact, I swore I would never do that again, but sometimes you take a chance in the hopes of something better. One day I will learn to pay attention to the odds.

    Mary Mur: Thank you so much! That's so sweet of you!

    Okay, to answer your survey questions: 1. I created this blog to show a different side to being a virgin in today's society; to counter the stereotypes virgins face; and to help other virgins who may feel lost and alone in this big old world. 2. I just want to make a difference and help others. 3. As long as it takes to make a difference.

    Number Eleven: LOL--I should have found an escape hatch. Sounds like your storm chaser guy and leaf pigmentation guy would have gotten along famously.