Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Wedding Weirdness

Mavs lose, and a bad day is sure to follow…the kind you wish would hurry up and end so you can go home, grab some ice cream, curl up in your favorite chair, and watch some guilty pleasure movie, like Dance With Me.

Here are the high points (low points?):

In the course of random conversation with people I barely knew, the topic of weddings came up.  Hardly surprising considering it’s the month of June--the unofficial wedding month--where every girly station like WE, Lifetime, and TLC, airs enough I Do shows to make The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man explode. 

I’m a hopeless romantic, y’all know that, but weddings have never been a fantastic fantasy in my life. This, as I learned, instantly shoves me into the “You are so doomed” category.

Here’s why:

-I haven’t had my ideal wedding planned since I was a little girl.
-I don’t have THE dress already in mind.  An idea, maybe, but certainly nothing set in stone.
-I don’t buy bridal magazines and keep clippings in a box with hand painted flowers and hearts. (I’ve never even held a bridal magazine)
-I don’t have a dream venue; I haven’t chosen my colors (again, an idea, maybe); I don’t have music or flowers picked out.
-I wouldn’t force my bridesmaids to wear something they don’t want to wear—no single style dress/outfit; no single color, etc. If they want strapless, cool! If they want a little jacket, cool!
-I’ve never tried on a wedding gown (Um, is this really something a single woman does?)

Bride Enthusiast: “Didn’t you know it’s bad luck not to pre-plan your wedding?”

Me, amused: “Interesting. And here I thought it was bad luck if the groom sees the bride before the wedding.”

Bride Girl: “Will you take this seriously, please? This isn’t good!  You're jinxing yourself!”

Me, grinning: “Well…I know I don’t want fancy, frou-frou food. I want down-home cooking that everyone will love. Does that count?”

They weren't convinced.

Guess I don’t have the cart-before-the-horse mentality. I don’t begrudge anybody who plans their wedding in advance of an engagement…or a groom…(it’s kinda cute and hopeful, really), but, good grief, don’t say it’s oh-so-bad luck for me because I never did the same.  

Here’s the deal: I don’t define love by a single day event where you wear an unmanageable white dress that is certain to get slopped on by day’s end. For me, it’s about two people who somehow find each other through this unbelievable chaos called dating.

Reckon I just value the love part more; the wedding part, to me, isn’t meant to be stressful—it’s meant to be enjoyed. A bridezilla, I would most definitely NOT be. It’s not my nature. If you’re lucky enough to find a lifetime love, then the wedding is just white icing on the chocolate cake…at least to me (Huh. Looks like I subconsciously have the cake part picked out anyway).

So, after the Bridal Brigade, I didn’t think the things could get much worse.

I was wrong.

My phone is totally PMSing. She refused to make calls, refused to take calls, and denied me my voice mail. She begrudgingly let me text. Little b*&^%.  I had to call (on another phone) to see if I can fix my phone’s funk.

Following the automated voice stuff, I dutifully fulfilled my button pushing role until something went massively wrong.  It asked me to punch in the number of the phone I was calling about (which, of course, wasn’t the one I was calling from). So, I punched in my cranky phone’s number and heard this:

“You chose to pay 1 million blah blah blah…”  Her voice kept reading numbers and my brain went into freeze mode, while my body starting sweating profusely.

I WHAT?! No, I absolutely DID NOT.

I ended the call immediately, not even letting her finish the endless number reading.

“Thanks a lot, you useless piece of PMSing metal!”

What followed was me trying not to channel the horse in Animal House, all while shaking, dialing, glaring at my problem phone, talking, and getting everything resolved—hopefully. The person I talked with said there must be a problem with the automated system.

See, this is why I don’t use GPS. Dang thing would send me straight off a pier, into the ocean, and down the mouth of a whale.

The day ended with a massive headache and an ice bag.   

Mavs, I really, really need you to win. 


  1. Would you elope to Las Vegas if the right man came along, Miss Virgin? I hear that the local Elvis impersonators do some wacky little marriage ceremonies.

  2. I'm a big believer that the wedding needs to be revamped as a whole. Make it more about the bride and groom instead of the flair and show-off-ness geared toward the guests.

    I've been there, done that, and hated it. The ceremony wasn't about showing mutual love, it was about giving the audience what they wanted. If/when I get married again, it's going to be simple. It's going to mean something. And it's going to be more reception than ceremony. I want to party it up and celebrate!

    So, I've probably spent about 45 minutes on your blog now, and I think I've found a new love. Reading through your posts, I feel drawn in. Great job as a writer.

    But I'm a little sad. One day, you'll just be known as frisky... until then, whoop it up! :D

  3. "Don’t define love by a single day event where you wear an unmanageable white dress that is certain to get slopped on by day’s end."

    I absolutely, completely agree. Sometimes it seems like people are more in love with the concept of a beautiful wedding than they are in love with each other.

  4. What happen during the day is inconsequential. It's what happens in the life time that matters.


    This seems to be the topic 'round here lately, so I'll weigh in... there's nothing wrong with not thinking about it. It actually is a turn off for some men. No man wants to go use the bathroom at "her" place, to find a wedding dress hanging on the back of the bathroom door on their second date. Just sayin'.

  5. I have had one of those days also. HUGS Maybe the cosmos is just cranky today and picking on us.

  6. Hugs, girl. I'm cheering for the Mavs, too!

  7. aww shweety, dnt let your phone get u down lol *hugs*
    I also dnt fantasize about my dream wedding, stuff like the perfect dress or cake dnt excite me so you're not alone. thnks so much for the guest post ;)

  8. hahaha it really is uncanny what we both went through/wrote about. I have never planned my wedding...never envisioned it. Oddly enough back when I was like 22 another single friend and I spent a day trying on wedding dressed in boutiques and drinking champagne. It was hilarious and too much fun. Sure I felt beautiful but I never stood up there and said, "Yup I want this."

    I don't know anyone (honest to God) who had that book, box, or notebook of wedding stuff prior to their engagement...nobody! No worries, sweetie. I think it would be a jinx to plan it all out then meet somebody who wanted a backyard BBQ in cowboy boots (hey you ARE in Texas) and you be unwilling to bend because you dreamed of this or that for forever.

    Everything will work out just as it should when it should...those women need to shut their Texan mouths!

  9. I agree with Jewels, I don't know anyone who had that book of ideas prior to the wedding. I do, however, know a few girls who tried and bought a dress before they were engaged because they loved the dress so much. None of those girls ended up wearing that dress the day of their wedding because they went out and bought a new dress that matched their sensibilities/style now when the wedding was actually happening not back when the wedding (and in some cases the man) was not even a topic of conversation.
    Plus, I know plenty of men who are scared off by these ladies who have everything for "their" wedding already planned and are just needing the man. How can the man ever live up to the ideas a love sick 8 year girl had of a Prince Charming she saw in a Disney movie?
    Also, the wedding isn't just the bride, if a guy had no say in the most important day of HIS life, and not just the bride's, how would he feel about that and therefore, the impending marriage? Will he ever be allowed to have an opinion or is everything just based on the wife's idea of what is right?
    So, for this crazy bride enthusiast, I think she has her priorities messed up and in the wrong order, and not you.

  10. I do know people that had the book and the plans before the wedding. But I'm like you -- I didn't want the cart before the horse. I didn't want to start planning until I could picture the other person at the alter.

    Crazy bride enthusiast does have her priorities mixed up. It's a mean thing to say, but I honestly think Michael and I are much happier than our friends who had bigger, fancier weddings. Ours was big, but it was in the worst of the recession, so it was an at-home deal with a tent for dancing outside in August, and we ran out of food, which I've heard is super rude, and I was slightly horrified when I heard that a month later. So yes on the good food -- guests like that, and they'll gobble it no matter how short the reception is.

    I'm not sure my bridesmaids liked their dress color. I wanted neutral, but I didn't want to make them wear black in August. So I just picked a fabric and (reasonably priced) brand and went with silver. Should have done ivory or champagne or even black.

    But all that is beside the point. I did my best not to make my bridesmaids cry (as one of my friends did when she wouldn't stop referring to us as her "'maids"). I was pretty oblivious to whatever drama was going on. And I married my best friend. That alone made it the best day ever.

  11. My mother never planned her wedding and she's been married. I think you're doing just fine.

    And I don't even know what "having my colors picked out" means. Is that like china patterns?

    I do, however, know the dress I want.

    I've got a wedding to go to in July. But it's not your normal wedding. For instance, the bride is going to be wearing a floor length tutu of sorts with multicolored layers and a green corset top. The groom will be wearing a kilt. Typical wedding? Oh, probably not. But I bet it's going to be a lot more fun than some stuffy old proper wedding planned since girlhood.

  12. Lost In Idaho: I love the idea of a celebration-type wedding, rather than something so formal. I'll leave that to the Royals. lol

    And could you get any nicer?! Thank you so much for liking my little corner of the blogging world! I'm so glad you found me because your blog is already one I love!

    LOL--that's really sweet! I sure hope I'm one day *just* Frisky. lol Until then, I promise to whoop it up! :)

    Anna: I love how you said it seems like some people are more in love with a beautiful wedding than with each other. You're absolutely right. I could probably even name a few who seemed more excited about getting a ring and a dress than anything else.

    Julianna: I was hoping you would have something to say on this...and once again, you didn't disappoint. I agree wholeheartedly, and thank you. :)

    Rebeccccca: Oh, I'm sorry you had a rough one, too. :( *Hugs right back* Think you're right about the cosmos...they are clearly some cranky cosmos!

    Eva: Thank you! *Hugs* Your cheering worked--they WON!!!!!

    OT: They won tonight, though!!! This is a helluva series!

    kitkat: You are very welcome, and I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who hasn't planned my wedding day. :/

    Jewels: I know! When I read your post about weddings, I immediately thought, "Oh that's bizarre!" And I'm really glad I'm not alone in this. These gals weren't Texans, but I remember a lot of Texas girls when I was growing up all planning their perfect weddings. I was never one of them...I was too busy wanting to be Princess Leia. Yeah. I'll be e-mailing you soon, by the way. :)And I would LOVE to have a BBQ dinner for my wedding food. lol

    Barsola: Exactly. It's as though the groom is an accessory or something. I want him involved. A wedding is about TWO people, not one.

    Rebekah: Hi sweetie! SOOOOO good to see you commenting again!!!! Your wedding sounds like it was wonderful! The big, fancy wedding doesn't really appeal to me. Silver sounds like a pretty color for your bridesmaids (it would have reminded me of the Dallas Cowboys' helmets, which alone would make me happy. lol).

    And, um, a bride referring to her bridesmaids as maids is ridiculous. How annoying!

    Marrying your love and best friend is what it's all about. *Hugs*

    Chanel: Yeah, it's kinda like China patterns. lol I guess it's basically having a color scheme--flowers, bridesmaid dresses, linens, etc.

    Okay, that wedding you're going to sounds awesome! Who wants to be typical anyway? :)

  13. There’s no such thing as bad luck. Saying there’s a curse for the lack of pre-wedding planning is just our way of bringing order to chaos, as if unforeseeable negative consequences can be neatly predicted and categorized.

    The GPS was working for that whale all along. ><

  14. Chiming in late as usual, but I wanted to add my two cents. (big surprise, right?! LOL) Mr B and I were together for a few years before we made it "legal". Our 5 yr old daughter was our flower girl, if that tells you anything. Point is... I never had all that stuff picked out or planned. We had a beautiful September evening with all of our friends and family around us. I had my (very simple) dress made by a family friend for about $300. Nope! not a typo... $300.

    We found a caterer who did massive amounts of really delicious finger foods, had no arranged seating and lots of candles, wine and great music. I was told the food was amazing (I didn't get around to eating) and folks were still talkiing about the wedding a year later, so I think it was a success. No jinx there.

    That was close to 25 years ago and I wouldn't change a thing now if I had the chance. It's not about the "stuff". It's about celebrating the love and the people who share your journey with you. Don't worry about what anyone else sees as their perfect day. When your day comes (and it will) nobody can claim it but you.

    XOXO, Mrs B

  15. Julia Cates: Thank you so much, and thank you for visiting! :)

    Drake: I like how you think. :) And you know, I bet you're right on the GPS. ;)

    Mrs. B: I love when you add your two cents because it is always highly valued...and today is no exception. Like you, I've never viewed a wedding as a "thing" or being about "stuff." It's about love--something I sure hope will find me one day. :) *Hugs*

  16. Well, l have had about 6 different versions of a wedding planned for years. And my ideal dress changes yearly. My sister literally laughed out loud when l talked about riding down the aisle of a horse.I basically just want to throw an awesome party for my friends and family... And l hope your day got better! :) x