Place: Nice sushi restaurant...I hate sushi.
Plan: Group date--Me, my date (who I will refer to as Mr. Bo Tangles), a friend of mine, and friends of his. Mr. Bo Tangles said he would take care of everything; invite all parties, including my friend; he really wanted to "impress me." His words. And, boy, did he impress me.
Scene: Me, Mr. Bo Tangles, and three couples I have never seen before.
Dilemma: Where is my friend? Could he not make it? Did he bail?
Answer: Mr. Bo Tangles "forgot" to invite him.
Possible flag two.
Mr. Bo Tangles: "I'm sorry, but it's driving me crazy."
Me, trying not to feel queasy over the fishy menu: "What is?"
I barely turned my head and the man had his hand in my hair, pushing it behind my ear.
Mr. Bo Tangles, tucking my hair tightly behind my ear: "Sorry, but you have this one little section of hair that is just flyaway and it's driving me nuts."
Me, stunned: "Uh, oh, well...it is windy out, so..."
The other couples looked extremely uncomfortable. One of the guys starting talking football to ease the moment, which worked beautifully until...
Mr. Bo Tangles: "Ugh, it came loose again. Maybe if you didn't get so expressive in your conversation."
Ugh, DEFINITE flag four.
Me, gently nudging his hand away as he tried to re-tuck my hair: "Your friend and I are having fun talking about the Longhorns. Come on, just have fun and forget the hair. I mean, it's hair, not some beast that's going to attack you at any minute." Although, I kind-of wished my hair could reach out and smack him.
Everyone laughed, but not Mr. Bo Tangles; nope, instead, he stared at the side of my head with the offensive strand of hair. I swear, it was like he was trying to visually flatten it down--now there's a new take on a superpower--super ion flat iron eye beams! Oooh, watch out Superman!
Dinner: Um, yeah, not so much. I spent most of the time trying not to regale them with a live production of The Bold and The Gagging.
I noticed Mr. Bo Tangles talking to one of his female friends, even taking her outside for a moment. Very odd. When he returned, he was all smiles.
Female friend: "You have such pretty hair!"
Me: "Oh, well, thank you."
Maybe she had a talk with him; maybe he's finally off this hair-obsessed kick.
Female friend: "I bet it would look gorgeous in a ponytail. Here, let's see what it would look like."
Without much time to process what was happening, the woman began pulling it back into a low ponytail. If that wasn't shocking enough, she tied it back with...are you ready...a scrunchie. I haven't worn a scrunchie since the 1990s; at that moment, I suddenly recalled an episode of Sex and the City...and the infamous scrunchie.
So, now, the hair I had worked hard to have look nice for this date is destroyed and slicked back...into a scrunchie. I am part mortified, part ticked beyond belief, particularly when I see Mr. Bo Tangles--his smile could not get any wider; it was triumphant, almost gloating.
He conquered my hair! Hurray! It was like he wanted a Yankees-World Series-like celebration. All I could picture was how I'd ditch the confetti and toss this raw fish crap instead.
I kept the regrettably cloth hair-tie in place for a bit. When I did remove it, he scowled.
Mr. Bo Tangles: "Why did you take it down?"
Me: "Because this is me. I'm not a pull-your-hair-back-in-a-scrunchie kind-of-gal, and when I do pull it back, it's with an ouch-less rubber band that matches my hair. Besides, I like my hair long and free. And, frankly, when I've taken the time to fix it for a date, I don't particularly care for someone seeing fit to mess it up.
Mr. Bo Tangles: "I just thought you'd look even prettier if..."
Me: "I'm not looking for someone to change me to meet some impossible idea of who he thinks I should be. He'll never be happy and I'll never be good enough. That's no way to live...for either party."
Married male friend: "I like your hair however you want to wear it. That little wild strand is pretty hot."
Uh, uncomfortable moment alert! His wife looked murderous.
And that, my dear blogging buddies, was the end of said date. Add it to the list.
Note to self: Find man who likes sometimes unruly hair.