Friday, December 17, 2010

Reason For The Previous Post...

Okay, so, I wrote the last post at an unholy hour. Couldn't sleep.

Let me make a couple clarifications:

1. The idea of perfection wasn't even on my mind when I wrote the post. I'm a little sensitive to the whole "seeking perfection" thing and here's why: when I've told friends that I simply want to find a man who tells the truth, a man I can trust without reservation, a man who will love unconditionally, they tell me I'm "seeking perfection" and I need to lower my standards. So, I should either compromise on trust, give up on honesty, or wave bye-bye to true love? Friends say you can't have them all.

Since when did the expectation or hope for trust, honesty, and love equal seeking some nonexistent creature of this fictitious notion called perfection? I mean, those things are the cornerstones of basic human decency. That's what the song is about--trust, honesty, love--principles we are taught at a very young age. If our world has become so jaded that even the purest of concepts have transformed into some imaginary being, then I want no part of what's out there.

2. Mr. Bo Tangles contributed in part to the last post. There is no real way to lean into this rather harsh statement, other than just tossing it out there...

"I didn't mean to scare you away. I understand how you must be very delicate. But, you should know...if you are waiting for a man who is going to wait for you because he loves you, it's not going to happen. All the man wants to do is be the one to get you into bed. He may say he loves you, but you won't really know until after you've had sex. If he sticks around, then he might be contemplating love. If not, then he doesn't. The world revolves around sex. You want to find your soul mate? Sleep around."

This, for the most part, is what got me thinking late into the night. Then, of course, I popped in one of my Keith Urban CDs and heard this song; it had been such a long time since I heard it and the words got to me.

So, there it is--nothing to do with perfection...everything to do with being a decent person.


  1. Honesty, trust and love are certainly doable when it comes to a man. I think the man who will be all of those things for you, may not be that person for someone else though. I think if he really loves you for you, the other two items are automatic.

  2. I just think that you will never find a man who will love you -unconditionally- (I am a cynic too) because well.. people love their children unconditionally, but I would never expect sometime to love me after I hurt them, have a foul mouth or just behave shitty, which unconditional love is - love no matter the circumstance.

    That said, one should NEVER lower any standard. There's always the risk of never meeting that fairytale someone even if you do lower your standards. Hell, stand your guard and do whatever you want, everything we do comes with consequences, either it being regretting having been together with someone that didn't make you 100% happy for years or just letting go of someone that would have made you as happy as you could be.

    THAT said, I truly believe that there's fine people everywhere. This whole men-women discusson has gotten so infected with "all men are" and "all women are" and I'm sick of it. Hell, I've done wrong, but I'm not a bad person for it. Bf does not love me unconditionally and I don't love him that "much" either, but we still love eachother and that's all that matters, until we don't anymore.

    I rant. Sorry.

  3. Don't lower your standards. I have tried that and I got nothing out of it. And that was meeting the guys, or going on a couple dates. Trust me, it's not worth beating yourself up over later. Only you will know who is right for you. The fact that you have standards, high ones too, and that you won't settle for less than that says a lot about you. And it's all good.

  4. Sh*T! He said that to you? He's an idiot. I mean, if the scrunchy wasn't enough to give that away, this sure is. He's an idiot. Please don't ever lose sleep over an idiot.
    And I agree with JDay. Never lower your standards. You are whare you are today because of your values. No man will ever question them, when he's the one that loves you.

    PS...I can't seem to find your email address but I would like to chat with you about being a guest blogger for me. email me please?


  5. No!! Don't sleep around! Seriously, that's the opposite of what you should do! Stay strong and keep waiting, and you'll get a good man. Honesty is NOT too much to ask for. Just don't expect the relationship to be absolute easy sailing. It's work, but it's worth it. You'll find a man. Honestly, I'm gonna miss "The Frisky Virgin" title. What would you change it to? "The Frisky Virgin-less"?

    Haha, either way, you're awesome. Keep your values. =]

  6. Mmmm... seems to me you still need to do what's right for you in the end. Because after all, you're the one you're going to bed with every night for the rest of your life weather you find the "one" or not.

    Don't compromise your standards darlin'

    And a side note, Love is never unconditional. It doesn't ever just happen. Real love changes, grows, rolls with the punches, and has it's own Chemistry. The key is to change, grow, roll and still tingle through the years. THAT takes patience and work. And a whole lot of LUCK.

  7. sex never equates to love. Mr. Bo Tangles just tarnished the name of the male gender.

  8. I agree with everyone else! Since when is expecting someone to be honest with you looking for someone perfect? It's just part of being a decent human being, and there are plenty of decent men out there. Just when I had truly given up, I got set up on a blind date, and here we are 8 years later. I had very low expectations, and didn't even want to go on the date, but I thought it would be my "date for the year". Don't give up! And as long as you're not expecting perfection, you will find a man who understands you and is so happy he found you.

  9. Unconditional love will only ever be found between a parent and a child and even then it sometimes goes awry.

    Unconditional love between two adults, if it is nurtured with honesty, respect, understanding and mutual attraction will survive, however...

    Are we to confuse the burning passion of the initial years with the fond dependence on each other that so marks the longer partnerships?
    Has affection anything to do with the sexual adventure of the "discovery" phase? What happens when it reaches that crossroads where sex no longer becomes one of the cornerstones for partnership survival?
    Sex for a woman is important but not as important as a caring hug, a show of support and understanding.
    For men, sex stays as one of the cornerstones until he can't do it anymore and this is where it all falls down. Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars; we're so different and yet we seek to find a mirror of ourselves in each other. This can surely only lead to heartache unless we accept that perfection in the human species is only to be read about in The Good Book.
    Sleeping around is not the right way ahead but waiting for that PERFECT moment isn't either. Once a basis for trust has been found; built on mutual desire, knowledge and respect, and an expectation of commitment if only for a matter of months then I think it's safe to, "do it".

    Never the less, that's only my opinion and I'm just a guy who reads this Blog to understand the female psyche.
    The whole virginity question only ever rears its noble yet over-important head when the subject discussed is a woman.
    My first time came and went in a heartbeat, I bragged to my friends about it, lied about my prowess and then it was over. I had it behind me, another tick in the box and move on.
    For females it seems to be a defining moment in life for everyone, not just the girl/woman involved. Later partners in life will be interested, but hopefully not overly so if they're healthily sane. In some cultures the whole family jealously guards a girl's "honour" for the sake of... well what exactly?
    I'm not sure to be honest.
    Perhaps it has a lot to do with the male obsession with being first which has wormed its way into society.
    I have a daughter and I hope she will be sensible in how she approaches the subject.
    Not for any medieval family honour stupidity; but because society is now so obsessed with the whole subject that when a girl "gets a name for herself" it can follow her through her whole life.
    Which is unbelievably sad in my humble opinion.

    Boy, am I ranting here.
    I'll go now. ;-)