Friday, December 3, 2010

Times Like These Make Me Glad I'm Single

1.  Friend discovers husband has had a sexting correspondence with another woman. No word on whether this has gotten physical.

2.  Another friend gets some big news about a job she's been  hoping for; she calls hubby to tell him the exciting news; hubby doesn't even congratulate her and instead makes some sarcastic comment, sending her into tears.

3.  BFF has been dealing with an emotionally dysfunctional woman, who, I believe, has crafted a relationship out of thin air. We're talking fantasy land, here.

4. Then there are moments like last night...moments you would never want another human being to witness, particularly a man, who should see you as sexy, adorable, cute even. I was none of those things last night when, for whatever reason, I decided mid-gulp that I would go ahead and down the last bit of water in my glass at once.

Somehow, the message didn't quite make it from my brain to my throat. It's kind-of a fog how it all happened, but I started swallowing, while still sipping, then stopped, gagged, and, bad.

Think pool or ocean and you take in too much water. Know the feeling? See the spastic facial expressions and overly red face? Got the sound effects? Yeah, that. 

Now, add hysterical laughter to the picture.

That would be me.

Once it happened, I quite literally sent a fountain-spit of water back into the glass...and on my legs.  The trajectory of the water leaving my mouth sent me into tear-filled, hysterical laughter, all while choking. I've swallowed down the wrong pipe before....this was not that.

No, this was very different. Had it been witnessed, the laughter would not have subsided for days. I mean, who in heck has an underwater-choking experience without actually being in the water. You would have thought I had been hit by a massive wave.

It took me extra time to catch my breath because the ongoing sounds emerging from my mouth were just hilarious to me at the time. 

I sounded like the Jaws girl in the beginning of the know, minus the whole giant-shark-butt-biting-thing.

Yes, it's in those moments of utter and complete idiocy when I do not regret being single.


  1. Me? I just trip over my own pajamas and fall hard enough to fall through the floor to my downstairs neighbors. Including horrific thud. Had to lay there a few minutes. Cat staring at me. I embarrass myself, what can I say? lol

    Make sure to get the award I've passed onto all of my followers! :o)

  2. LOL LOL LOL! That is awesome! Oh my word. And JDay just provided me with a fantastic visual too! LOL LOL. you gals cracked me up! Thank you!

  3. It's always best to share those moments with friends so that they can bring it up for years.

  4. I so followed that laughing bit..I am done the same thing and sometimes I start laughing at myself for no apparent reason...That just means your totally comfortable with being single and I know that there are those moments that you don't want no one to see but absolutely crack you up!

  5. Don't feel bad! My nickname is "Grace" because I'm anything BUT that! lol Your story was hilarious!

  6. Hello there. Stumbled on your blog through simple dude. I was intrigued by your name so I checked it out...and found out that you're AMAZING! A must follow. :) keep it up!

  7. haha. I love it. I have done that before, alone and in front of people and the only way to get them to stop talking about it is to do something even more embrassing! haha.
    I'm also with J.Day. I have often hooked my toes into the leg of my pajama pants and gone stumbling/falling on my face. In anything over a 3 inche heal I'm a menace to all around me.

    Sorry about your friends having such hard times in their relationships though...that's never a fun thing to have to witness.

  8. Hahahah! I am so sorry about the chocking!