Monday, December 13, 2010

Weekend Round-Up...And It's A Doozy

What started as a nice, peaceful White Christmas-filled weekend, quickly turned into one mind boggling situation after another. By Sunday night, I really thought I had been thrown by several different bulls, each one significantly nastier than the last.

First up: Sports: Cam Newton won the Heisman--surprise, surprise. I really have mixed feelings on this one. Hey, if the NCAA will allow Cam to win the Heisman, shouldn't they return Reggie Bush's? Just sayin'. Mavs won--hurray! Cowboys lost to Philly last night--boo hiss, BUT they stayed in the game until the end; much improved team, despite dealing with injuries at key positions. Still proud of them.

Mom Turns Into A Werewolf: Okay, not really, but when she is hungry, part the dang waters and get out of the way. This is especially true since she has been sick--she can't eat as much, has restrictions on diet...and she has hit her limits, which I discovered firsthand.

Saturday Morning: My mom didn't expect me to be there, but I was talking to dad about some Christmas things. Mom walks through the hallway with a tray--on said tray is one type of food she CANNOT have. When she saw me, her face turned red, and her eyes screamed, "Aw, crap, I just got caught."

Me: "Mom, what is that on your tray?"

Mom: "Huh? What darlin'? What are you doing anyway?"

Me: "Talking to Dad about Christmas, but that's beside the point, and I totally see that you are trying to shift the topic away from what is on your plate."

Mom: "I'm only eating half. I'll be fine."

Me: "You really want to try it? I mean, you've been doing better, right? And you haven't had any of that crap, right? Why on earth would you want to shove some of that in your stomach, knowing it could cause a severe flare up?"

Uh, yeah, shouldn't have said anything.

Mom: "If this is how I have to live my life...I'm hungry. I want my junk food. I don't want to be good. It's only a stupid half! It won't hurt me! And I'm your mama, young lady--you shouldn't tell me what I should and should not eat."

Me, stunned: "Whoa, Mom, I was only trying to help. I don't want you to have to go through another episode. I just..."

Mom: "I'll be fine. And I'm gonna eat what I want. You can, so why can't I?"

Me: "Because you get sick!"

Mom: "Humf, just a technicality."

*Note: After making were-mom's acquaintance, I later learned she did NOT eat the culprit-food and she said later on: "Baby girl, I'm sorry for being so crabby earlier. I was hungrier than a bitch wolf. Had you gotten any closer, you might have pulled back a nub." We hugged it out.

BFF: Totally has a reindeer up his rear. Foul mood personified. I swear, he is the only person I know who cheers for the hot green house in Frosty the Snowman or gets ticked when the abominable snowman turns nice in Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. He is absolutely impossible to talk to right now.

Wasn't: Honestly, I'm tired of the whole thing. I've tried to be his friend, but it's hard to be friends with someone who has no clue what it means to be a friend. Did I tell you that he asked for my mom's advice on his "relationship?" Well, he did. So, as a friend, what did I do? Went to my mama and got her advice, of course. That's what friends do. She put a lot of thought and heart into her advice...and over an hour of contemplating what she feels is going on with them. That's what people who care about others do.  Wasn't...never called to get her advice, despite saying he would "in a few days." It's been about three weeks. That's not what friends do.

Mr. Bo Tangles: Oh, yes, I couldn't escape yet another humdinger.

Mr. Bo Tangles: "Hey, I just wanted to tell you...there are so many women who want to be with me, but I chose you."

Me, mouth gaping: "Uh...oh, well..."

Mr. Bo Tangles: "Let me finish. Now, I'm not going to argue why you are pulling back from me. I know the truth. What you are is no joke. I know you're an innocent. So, now, it makes complete sense. You're just scared to get involved with someone passionate, like me."

Me, nearly choking while thinking: Well, he's partially right, but it has nothing to do with my V card. "Honestly, I don't think I'm what you are looking for." Wasn't I nice? I could have said, "Honestly, I think you're a controlling, dull, a-hole." I didn't...that would have been rude.

Mr. Bo Tangles: "You're wasting your should be sharing them, enjoying them. I worry about your well-being. I'm here to help you with your predicament."

Me: "Well, thank you for your opinion and your concern, but I'm doing just fine on my own. And I don't consider my situation a's a choice, and I'm content with it. So, thank you for your offer, but I'm good." What I wanted to say: "Well, having to change who I am to be with you just so I can say I've been there, done that, would be far, far worse than being a single virgin for eternity." Again, I stayed polite.

So, this is what its been reduced to: an offer from a not-so-nice man to help me with my "predicament." Fantastic. 

Yeah. Odd, odd weekend.


  1. Your mom's cute!!! Even as a bitch-wolf. Your description of eyes saying shit, I've just been caught made me giggle!

    I'm sorry you had a tough weekend. HOWEVER... you gotta be proud of yourself, Lady. You stood your ground and are very true to yourself, as is evident in your turning down Bo Tangles. Yay you!

    I'm beginning to think about following your example.... but I'm not a virgin so it wouldn't work THAT way. I've been dormant for over 10 years so it feels like I've been re-virginified. If that makes sense. So, no more until the right one comes along!

  2. Ugghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! (that's all I can think of to say)... hope the rest of your week gets better!

  3. Are you being a little hasty with Bo? It seems that he has a lot to offer. He's just worried about your well being. (Sarcasm font)
    This guy sounds like the prototypical lounge lizard. You know his shtick actually worked on some poor woman somewhere.

  4. Yeah, my jaw dropped when I read what Bo Tangles said. WOW. I can't believe you stayed polite. I bow to the master. I would have played the bitch card.

    And glad to hear you and your were-mom hugged everything out. :o)

  5. You are far nicer than I could ever be...because after that hair episode I would have ignored any of his attempts to contact me. You not only didn't do that...but you were patient with him during his absolutely stupid "I'm concerned about you and am willing to take one for the team and take your virginity" Gee thanks. Ugh. He makes me skin crawl.

  6. Yeah, the lounge lizard (good one George) should lose your number forever. I wouldn't have been so nice myself. Glad your mom is doing better. I live with a Cowboys fan, which is not easy since I love the G-men...

  7. "Predicament?" Who does this guy think he is? I can not believe how arrogant he is? Does he really think saying, you should "share your goods" would change your mind?!?!

  8. Why isn't this Bo dude leaving you alone? You are much more polite than I--I think I would tell him to, quite bluntly, f**k off and leave me alone. It's no surprise he's single--what a ding dong. Another one of those guys who thinks they're all that but really are fools.

    Hope your mom feels better soon.

  9. Bo Tangles is an ass! Ugh! How very full of himself is he?! And you were much nicer than I would have been! Good job! :)

  10. OMG! I would have laughed in his arrogant face, then slapped him silly and told him exactly what Ms. Caboo said that she would have! What a d-bag this guy is! How very kind of him to "help you out of your predicament".

    I read the conversation to hubby and he was floored! His take on it... "I've known a lot of arrogant guys in my day, and I haven't EVER heard one say something that ridiculously self involved. What an a**hole!"

    Glad to hear that you and mom hugged it out and she didn't eat the junk food after all. I have things that I'm not supposed to eat as well, and it's not an easy thing to do when you just love food. Good for her!

    Have a much better rest of the week, my friend.

    Peace and Blessings,