What started as a nice, peaceful White Christmas-filled weekend, quickly turned into one mind boggling situation after another. By Sunday night, I really thought I had been thrown by several different bulls, each one significantly nastier than the last.
First up: Sports: Cam Newton won the Heisman--surprise, surprise. I really have mixed feelings on this one. Hey, if the NCAA will allow Cam to win the Heisman, shouldn't they return Reggie Bush's? Just sayin'. Mavs won--hurray! Cowboys lost to Philly last night--boo hiss, BUT they stayed in the game until the end; much improved team, despite dealing with injuries at key positions. Still proud of them.
Mom Turns Into A Werewolf: Okay, not really, but when she is hungry, part the dang waters and get out of the way. This is especially true since she has been sick--she can't eat as much, has restrictions on diet...and she has hit her limits, which I discovered firsthand.
Saturday Morning: My mom didn't expect me to be there, but I was talking to dad about some Christmas things. Mom walks through the hallway with a tray--on said tray is one type of food she CANNOT have. When she saw me, her face turned red, and her eyes screamed, "Aw, crap, I just got caught."
Me: "Mom, what is that on your tray?"
Mom: "Huh? What darlin'? What are you doing anyway?"
Me: "Talking to Dad about Christmas, but that's beside the point, and I totally see that you are trying to shift the topic away from what is on your plate."
Mom: "I'm only eating half. I'll be fine."
Me: "You really want to try it? I mean, you've been doing better, right? And you haven't had any of that crap, right? Why on earth would you want to shove some of that in your stomach, knowing it could cause a severe flare up?"
Uh, yeah, shouldn't have said anything.
Mom: "If this is how I have to live my life...I'm hungry. I want my junk food. I don't want to be good. It's only a stupid half! It won't hurt me! And I'm your mama, young lady--you shouldn't tell me what I should and should not eat."
Me, stunned: "Whoa, Mom, I was only trying to help. I don't want you to have to go through another episode. I just..."
Mom: "I'll be fine. And I'm gonna eat what I want. You can, so why can't I?"
Me: "Because you get sick!"
Mom: "Humf, just a technicality."
*Note: After making were-mom's acquaintance, I later learned she did NOT eat the culprit-food and she said later on: "Baby girl, I'm sorry for being so crabby earlier. I was hungrier than a bitch wolf. Had you gotten any closer, you might have pulled back a nub." We hugged it out.
BFF: Totally has a reindeer up his rear. Foul mood personified. I swear, he is the only person I know who cheers for the hot green house in Frosty the Snowman or gets ticked when the abominable snowman turns nice in Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. He is absolutely impossible to talk to right now.
Wasn't: Honestly, I'm tired of the whole thing. I've tried to be his friend, but it's hard to be friends with someone who has no clue what it means to be a friend. Did I tell you that he asked for my mom's advice on his "relationship?" Well, he did. So, as a friend, what did I do? Went to my mama and got her advice, of course. That's what friends do. She put a lot of thought and heart into her advice...and over an hour of contemplating what she feels is going on with them. That's what people who care about others do. Wasn't...never called to get her advice, despite saying he would "in a few days." It's been about three weeks. That's not what friends do.
Mr. Bo Tangles: Oh, yes, I couldn't escape yet another humdinger.
Mr. Bo Tangles: "Hey, I just wanted to tell you...there are so many women who want to be with me, but I chose you."
Me, mouth gaping: "Uh...oh, well..."
Mr. Bo Tangles: "Let me finish. Now, I'm not going to argue why you are pulling back from me. I know the truth. What you are is no joke. I know you're an innocent. So, now, it makes complete sense. You're just scared to get involved with someone passionate, like me."
Me, nearly choking while thinking: Well, he's partially right, but it has nothing to do with my V card. "Honestly, I don't think I'm what you are looking for." Wasn't I nice? I could have said, "Honestly, I think you're a controlling, dull, a-hole." I didn't...that would have been rude.
Mr. Bo Tangles: "You're wasting your goods...you should be sharing them, enjoying them. I worry about your well-being. I'm here to help you with your predicament."
Me: "Well, thank you for your opinion and your concern, but I'm doing just fine on my own. And I don't consider my situation a predicament...it's a choice, and I'm content with it. So, thank you for your offer, but I'm good." What I wanted to say: "Well, having to change who I am to be with you just so I can say I've been there, done that, would be far, far worse than being a single virgin for eternity." Again, I stayed polite.
So, this is what its been reduced to: an offer from a not-so-nice man to help me with my "predicament." Fantastic.
Yeah. Odd, odd weekend.