Wednesday, December 8, 2010

What If Wednesday: What If He's Married?

"What if the man you are meant to be with is married? Sometimes you can't control who you fall in love with."

Yes, this is one I've heard. This question naturally came from a woman who has been in love with a married man, had an affair with him, effectively aided in breaking up his marriage, bore his child, then ended up dumped shortly thereafter.

For me, the answer is simple: If he is married, he was never meant to be with me in the first place. If a man is married, I look the other way; frankly, if a man is even dating someone, I look the other way. Married men, boyfriends, men who are dating someone, are simply not options.

I respect marriage vows, even if they are not my own. Likewise, I would never encroach on another woman's relationship, no matter how open or serious it may be. It all kind-of goes back to that golden rule.

So, to recap, if he's married, he was not the one meant to be with me. If he's in a relationship on any level, he's off limits. Free and clear and single--that's the motto. That's just how my mama raised me...and it's what I believe is right.


  1. I agree, although I haven't always lived by the rule.

  2. A+. Timing is also key to someone being the one. If they are married now, then if your roads meet up again, at that point he will be available.

    I've found messing with the cosmos is never a good idea. Karma is powerful my friend.

  3. I do agree with you 100%. I swear I do.

    It's just that. . .sometimes there's more to any given story than "He's married = No."

    Not saying it's right or wrong. I'm just saying there are always extenuating circumstances.

  4. Big applause! I would say to any woman who is even looking at my man to look the other way before she loses one or both of her eyes! There's nothing worse for any woman to go after somebody's else mate. And no, there are no extenuating circumstances, never!

    All those women who are in relationships with married men and think the guy is going to leave his family for them are delusional. and would you want a guy like that? If he leaves his family, he'll probably leave you too....duh!

  5. I think if you're in a relationship, the only person you should be checking out is the one you're with! I have no interest in looking at another man for any reason. It makes life so much simpler to be in love with Bud and not care a drip about impressing another man! What freedom!

    And I agree, I wouldn't even go near someone in any kind of relationship with another woman. It just leads to trouble. If it's meant to be, it will happen. Otherwise, run far away!

  6. Nicely put, and damn straight. I agree whole heartedly. Thanks for being a decent human being. =]

  7. Good girl!

    The ONLY extenuating circumstance I could see EVER would be a Terry Shivo situation -- the wife's been in a coma forever, and someone else has power of attorney.

    But then, as a wife, I want to be good and dead and cremated before Michael moves on. Marriage vows are sacred, and if you don't believe that, you shouldn't get married. And if you're in love with someone who doesn't respect his marriage vows, how could you know you could trust him?

  8. That's the kind of woman I like! We both call our mothers 'mama'.Mama sure sounds warm eh?

  9. Amen Sista! I'm with you. I do believe that Fate knows what she's (well..they..I guess..there were 3 Fates right?) doing. I just watched Letters to Juliet the other day..have you seen it yet? It's got kinda that vibe of 'not the right time'

  10. Amen, Frisky. :)

    Also, wanted to tell you what I told Rebekah:
    I think I'm deleting my blog, so I'm not gonna be on much anymore. I dunno. Just don't like how I'm treating it. Not really being "me" when I write it. Eh, anyway. I copied down your web address & email addy so I can still bug you. :)

    I'll probably be back some other time with a new blog.

    'Till then, though, I'll be bugging you guys remotely without a blog. I like you guys too much to just disappear. ;)

  11. I completely agree! It's how my mom raised me, and morally, I just couldn't do it. Karma can be one mean bitch, and I'd like to try to stay on her good side if I can. :o)

  12. I'm so glad you all agree with where I'm coming from; I've encountered a mixed bag of results while living in the big city--quite a few women frequently talked about "getting a leg up," even if that meant sleeping with a married man or breaking up a marriage. They literally had no qualms about doing ANYTHING that either made them happy or would further their livelihoods, monetarily speaking.

    Some of the stories I heard are truly, truly shocking.

    Jen: You're leaving!? Noooo! I loved your blog!!! :( Please keep coming back, and send me an e-mail when you get the chance, okay? *hugs*

  13. Totally agree! And I don't believe in extunuating circumstances either. I get hit on by married men ALL.THE.TIME. Seriously! WTF? I've been called a prude by some of them for not accepting their advances, whatever, they're not worth my time or my energy. But yes, JUST SAY NO! lol

  14. I'm with you. If he's married, or in a relationship, he's not an option.

  15. I 100% agree of you! I too repecting the marriage vow done by the person who truly love each other. I will this married man, becaause i don't want to be part of his infidelity and i don't want this thing will also happen to me in my marriage life. Now, i'm dating man, but i alwasy see to it that he is not married by checking the marriage record online provided for all of us, because i don't want to commit to a wrong person (married man) and be heart brohen and be hurt, as early as possible i do protect myselffor this.