Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Date Dung Don't's

From the minds of girls comes: Date Dung Don't's. Date Dung Don't's are those things a guy does that can turn a date into dung really quickly.

1.  Please don't tell me I'm nothing like the girls you usually date. Why? Because I automatically figure you are just “testing the waters” with me. Right or wrong, it's the impression we get.

Example:  “I told my friend you are nothing like the girls I usually go for. She said maybe that's a good thing.” He should have stopped talking here.  He didn't.  “I mean, you're not a bleach-blonde, you have a brain, you're educated, you don't have fake boobs, and you don't look like a slut.”

Me, somewhat dumbfounded: “Have you EVER dated anyone outside of your...type?”

Him: “No, you would be the first. No pressure!”

Believe me, there was zero pressure.

2.  Please don't tell me you are a bust with women; that you can sometimes feel angry towards women. Why? Because I figure you might have some deep-seeded anger management issues.

Example: “Women just seem to leave me. I fall really easily, and somehow they use me and run. Pisses me off. I have to hit a pillow.  I don't think you're like that, though.”

Me, thinking: Where's the nearest escape exit. Seriously.  "I would never use someone.”

Him: “I knew it. We can tell our kids about how mommy was the only one to hold daddy's heart and not break it.”

Me: Yeah, I'm running.

3.  Please don't ask what I'd like to do on our first date, then do the complete opposite. Why? Because it shows me that you either: a. don't listen or b. don't care.

Example: “I'd love to introduce you to my friends.”

Me, thinking: This is our first date, we just met...I hardly know him and now he wants to surround me with all the people he's comfortable with!? I'm cool with hanging with his friends, but not when I don't even know him very well. “You know, since we just met, and I hardly know you...I just think it might be a little...

Him, finishing my thought: “...uncomfortable. Of course, I should have realized that. We need to know each other first.”

Me, relieved: “Exactly. I'd love to meet your friends, just not...”

Him, again finishing my thought: “...on the first date. I totally understand.”

After dinner, he nervously suggested we go around the corner. I was perplexed by his suggestion because we had plans to go across town. He was really persistent, so I just caved and went with him. After five minutes, I realized why he brought me there: all of his friends rounded the corner. I was completely blindsided. It was a weird experience. My date would go off with his friends, presumably to get their opinions, leaving me with their girlfriends, who, though very nice, talked about things I couldn't possibly contribute to, considering they clearly all know each other very well. On the plus side, his friends were nice and gave me a “thumbs up.” Much appreciated.



  1. hahahaa <3 good one.

    that's why i don't go out with a guy i don't like.

    well .. by that i mean i only go out with guys that i crush.

    the rest of the admirers are just stalkers for me.

    im not saying my crushes date me alot.

    that's why i only have few dates. lol

    but the exciting ones! because im with my crush! :)

  2. Hahaha. I loved this blog. I couldn't agree with number 2 more. Why should I suffer because somebody else did you wrong? Fix yourself, move on or don't...but don't expect me to be the redemption of women past. Everyone has been hurt and it's up to them to heal themselves, not somebody else. This is a serious pet peeve of mine. Name me one person who hasn't had a bad experience with the opposite sex and I'll show you a liar...get over it!

  3. Mmmm, thought provoking.
    Where were you 24 years ago when I was playing the dating game? LOL.

  4. Great post-men are stupid-throw rocks at them! lol

  5. lol...I would expect nothing less from the Queen. LOL. Awesome!

    I used to put that in my online profile.."If you have incomplete issues with women you've previously dated, please get those things complete before you email me becuase I'm not her." I don't think people got it. lol

    Dating. Boo.