Wednesday, September 22, 2010

What If Wednesday: What If He Uses You?

Friend: What if you do all this waiting just to fall for a guy who will use you, mark a notch on his bedpost, and leave you high and dry?

Can't say I haven't thought about it.  There are plenty of men out there who would look at me as some sort of challenge or conquest--"who's gonna lay the virgin?"

Usually, I can smell a line of B.S. a mile away, but my mom worries I will come across a slick-smooth-talker.

So what do I do? I already struggle with trusting someone with my heart, but having to worry about whether or not this man is going to use me is, admittedly, a little stressful.

If I dwell on the possibility of being used, I will never open up to the possibility of finding love. That's the truth of it. Suppose I could just make him put a ring on it, which would be the ideal happy ending/happy beginning. ;) Ah, but that's a topic for another day...

For the purposes of this post, let's answer the questions: What will I do if a guy uses me? Will I let him break me? Will I fall apart? Will I live with regret?

If a man does chose to use me, and I fall blindly victim to his antics, then shame on him.  He will have to live with it and face a higher justice one day.  Remember the golden rule? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Will I let him break me or fall apart: Unequivocally, no. He may wound my heart, but he will never break me; all I need to do is look at everything my ancestors had to endure and overcome to survive...a broken heart will not break my soul.

Will I live with regret: Honestly, I can't answer this one. I would hope not...

What do you think? Are most men just in it for the conquest?


  1. Some men are, sure. I don't think the man you decide to give yourself to would be like that though. You seem to have a wonderful sense of people and their true intentions. You have a good head on your shoulders.

    Here's my take on it. If you care about him enough to have a physical relationship with him, if you love him, then it's not going to be a regret. Like you said, shame on him if he's not being true in his intentions. In my own experience loving is never wrong. It may not always work, but I'd rather live a life loving and being hurt then not loving at all. I refuse to live a life in fear of pain and never know joy.

    There is a risk to any relationship. There is a thrill associated with giving your heart, soul, and sometimes body to another. It leaves you vulnerable, sure. However, when you open up like that you also open up to endless possibilities of joy and happiness.

  2. Yeah, some are. But you're 32. Not 17. You're smart enough to figure out the difference, and if you fall blindly in love and it doesn't work out, that's OK too. What matters is that it's real to YOU. My ex-husband was my first (but not's complicated) and it didn't work out. Life happens, things change, you grow and move on to better things. -J

  3. At least your Mom warns you about the line of bull and doesn't tell you "go ahead and sleep with him" when you've already told her that you are waiting until you are married (true Suzy/Mom story).
    not to be too sappy and fairy tale but you WILL find a guy who loves you and respects you and won't just take what he wants/use it as a conquest.
    There are guys out there like that, but not all of them are.

  4. I think many of them are, but isn't usually the physical attraction that makes a guy talk to you? Ok, so some men are dogs and would talk to a wall, if they could get something out of it, but you'll never know which ones they are, if you don't try them out.

    Loving involves risk, including the risk of being used and dumped, but I think that's a risk most of us are willing to take. Although things change and life goes on as one poster said, true love remains, because it's a commitment,not a feeling. Feelings come and go, but if you want true love, you've got to be ready to accept the good with the bad, and there's going to be plenty of bad, even in the happiest of marriages.

    Now, I've got to plug my blog, hope you don't mind

  5. Never, ever trust a guy. If you've waited this long and he loves you, then it can wait for the wedding night.
    Maybe he's the type that you could have the physical relationship with before marriage and still end up being together until the end. Most likely not.
    If you make us wait, either we are so interested that we stick around and end up falling for you, or we stick around long enough to get into your pants and then the interest wanes and we move on.
    I think the golden rule died with a lot of the other rules we lived by for so long.
    That's just my skeptical view of the group that I am associated with.

  6. You're a smart girl, and this post proves it.

    I was afraid of this same thing, but I truly believe that once you find your True Love, you just know. At least it happened to me. I think it can happen. This is so true: "If I dwell on the possibility of being used, I will never open up to the possibility of finding love."

    And I know several guys who feel the same way. One of my very good guy friends in college and I used to call ourselves members of "the V Club" and were proud of it. We knew what was more important to us...I think the "all guys want one thing" is a really unfortunate stereotype. The truly great guys out there have been given terrible reputations by the womanizers of their gender. :o( My husband certainly isn't a stereotype either. So, believe me: those guys are out there. :)

    ...I bet yours is. He's probably keeping an eye out for you like you're doing for him! hehe

    That got mushy. Sorry. :X :P

  7. Listen to George, he's telling the truth.

    The only way you'll ever know for sure is to wait for the wedding night, it's as simple as that.

  8. I'm truly overwhelmed by the responses to this post, and I thank you so much for all of your kind words of encouragement.

    To George & R.R: I never in a million years believed no less than 2 men would say not to trust their own; to wait until the wedding night. I'm floored, but so incredibly appreciative for your opinions. I suppose the trick is finding a man who will love me enough to that even possible in this day and time???

  9. No Frisky, it isn't, lol.
    I never waited, in fact I didn't get past my 16th Birthday, but I don't take that seriously. However, everyone has things close to their heart that perhaps other people find hard to identify with, but that doesn't make them not special.
    So I think you should wait because to abstain for so long, only to have it stolen by someone who promised the earth to take it would be a tragedy.

    Hold onto what you are because our own sense of worth is all that counts in the long run.