The Mean Magnifier's resurgence is the primary reason for my last post, featuring my new very favorite song, King of Anything. If you haven't read about The Mean Magnifier, please check her out here--warning: you might want to slap her: The Mean Magnifier
You know that feeling--when you're actually having a good day...sun is shining, air is fresh, you're sporting a new outfit and matching handbag--things are good...you feel oh-so-spiffy. Does that feeling ever last? Nah, not when Mean Magnifier is on the prowl.
"Hun! Hun! So good to see you--it's been too long," screeches Mean Magnifier, wrapping her way-too-long nails around my shoulders. "How have you been? You look precious--look at you! Like a little baby!"
Peachy. "Doing really well. How are you?" Like I need to ask.
"Oh, everything is perfect, as always. My kids love school and my hubby makes me breakfast in bed every weekend. I guess he figures I'm worn out, if you know what I mean...well, I guess you don't really know what I mean. But, I'm sure you will one day...maybe."
I swear, she's the exorcist kid.
"Now, I heard about (the one that wasn't). That must have been a shock for you, poor thing. You were really counting on him, weren't you? Now he's left you out in the cold...and for an older woman of all things," she says, laughing.
Any minute her head is going to start spinning.
"I had actually moved on from him quite a while ago."
"Of course you did," she said, much like Rita Skeeter when she interviewed Harry in Goblet of Fire. "Well, I have the perfect man for you. He's handsome, successful, everything you would want. I even told him about you, and he was very interested. Are you interested?"
Maybe her head won't spin after all. "Well, sure, why not?"
"Wonderful! I knew you would be...oh...wait...one little problem...he's not thrilled you are a virgin."
"You told him?"
"Well, hun, you would've had to tell him eventually of your chosen situation," she said, condescendingly.
Any second her head will be zippin' around that bony little neck of hers.
"Yes, I suppose that's true, but it is my thing to tell."
Waving her hands she continues, "Anyway, it really took the wind out of his sails, if you know what I mean. He just wasn't into it."
"Hmm, that's interesting, really," I said.
"Why is that, hun?"
"Because most men get seriously turned on by it."
And that, my friends, is how you put Mean Magnifier in her place without her really realizing it. I made my escape, leaving her completely gobsmacked. It's not my normal practice to toss out a zinger of that magnitude, but she had just taken things too far--and it's not the first time.
"Let me hold your crown..."