Friday, September 17, 2010

Push-Pull, Pull-Push

There should be a warning sign for impending stupidity, particularly when it is about to occur in front of people (translation: men).  My recent trip down I'm An A** Ave. should not have been a surprise; after all, I have the uncanny ability to unwittingly succumb to fate's farts at the most unfortunate times.

While leaving a store I have left numerous times, I encountered....wait for it...a door. Shock. Anyway, the label on the door said PUSH.  I pushed; it didn't budge. I pushed a second time; again, it didn't move. Okay, is there some trick to pushing the thing, I wondered. I carefully pointed to each letter and spelled the word: P-U-S-H.  I weakly tried again. Nuthin'.  Son of a b.  Determined to beat said stubborn door, I stood in a lunge-like stance, stuck my butt out, placed both hands on the bar, leaned into it, and shoved with all my might.

Nothing. Not even an inch.

Utterly perplexed, my brain inexplicably decided I shouldn't trust the PUSH label: Hmm, maybe I should pull.  As I reached to "pull," a man behind me said, "Maybe it's locked." Huh, never thought of that. I mean, the other door is for incoming traffic, right?

It was locked--would explain why it wasn't moving. In my defense, I hadn't slept and trusted the PUSH sign.  I mean, if it says PUSH, should it not PUSH? 

The man opened the other door, laughing.

"Thanks," I said, giggling at myself. I mean, I just had to laugh--the whole scene must have been hilarious.

I heard someone mutter the word "cute," which was little consolation considering I felt like I had Dumb A** plastered in neon on my forehead.

I have my moments.


  1. I tried endlessly to remmeber the number code for the key pad at work today since the main double doors had a sign on them that said "Doors Locked". They're NEVER locked, thus leaving me standing there like an idiot trying to get in the antiquated push button key pad accessed single door. 15 minutes later, a co worker comes up and walzes in the "locked" doors. Probably should have tried them first.

    Honey, we all have our moments. -J

  2. I don't think that's as bad as the time that someone had written "wooden" next to the "machine does not accept nickels" sticker on the vending machine at school. I kept trying to use nickels and it wouldn't take them. I didn't realize the problem until I said out loud to myself, "But I'm not using wooden nickels". I'm glad that I didn't have an audience for that one.

  3. hahaha. I love it. Just last night we lost power in a storm and my grandmother (bless her heart) kept trying to use our portable phone to tell people we'd lost power. When our land line rang she insisted on trying to answer the portable phone. Sometimes you just have to laugh!

  4. Ahaha!! I do it all the time, don't feel bad. Except my husband knows and he'll stand back and watch me make a fool of myself for a minute before he chimes in. Men! lol

  5. lmao.. a warning sign for impending stupidity!!!

  6. Juliana: lol Yeah, I guess we do have our moments. What is it about doors that is so confusing sometimes? lol

    George: Oh no! lol I probably would have done the same thing. :/

    Jewels: That's so cute!!! You do just have to laugh--there's no point in getting all down and gloomy over something that, well, is funny. I've learned to laugh at myself a lot over the years. lol

    Average Girl: :) Thank you. :) I make myself laugh and feel humiliated at the same time. It's really quite liberating. lol

    Michelle: Oh, yeah, men totally stand by and let us act ridiculous for their own amusement. Oh well, what can you do?

    Aims: :) If I had a warning sign, I would save myself a load of stupid moments. lol