So, according to Friend, virgins are no different than aliens. You read right.
Friend: "You know, virgins, especially older ones, are a lot like aliens."
Me: "How do you figure?"
Friend: "Well, they're rarely seen...
Me: "Actually, they're seen everyday. They're not hiding in spaceships, viewing human life from afar. It's just that most people don't know to scream, 'Hey, look, there's a virgin! Run for your lives!'"
Friend, chuckling: "That blows the whole visual I had involving virgins and little green aliens."
Me, smiling, while shaking head: "You're sick, and I don't want to know."
Friend: "Anyway, okay, let me modify things: virgins could be like the aliens on V--pretty damn hot, but scaly creatures underneath."
Me: "Yeah, that's just fantastic. Exactly what virgins need--the idea that we hide scales and gooey grossness under our flesh. Really, just super. --brief pause-- E.T. phone home." (said in my best E.T. voice).
Friend, laughing: "Hey, maybe the government will want to take virgins in for scientific study!"
Me: "It's called a hymen. Hardly a scientific breakthrough."
And so ended the whole virgins-aliens comparison. Good times. Actually, it was pretty dang funny.
Oh, and just one more thing....
Hmm. I'm hungry. Think I'll grab some Reese's Pieces and daydream about how exciting Independence Day will be this year.