Still bruised and battered after my Mavs single point loss last night, I thought it might be fun to put together a Valentine's Day survival guide. Why not, right?
Hope you don't mind--my blog is my outlet. I figure once I get all this V-Day aggression out of my system this year, I will be done with it forever. This is the first time I've ever really talked about my V-Day catastrophes in any detail--I have yet to share a particularly "interesting" one with you...reckon I'll save it for the day itself.
Valentine's Day Survival Guide:
First and foremost:
-remove all romantic movies from vicinity of DVD player (shove deep in closet, drawer, anywhere out of sight)
-eject all sappy-lovey cd's from stereo; do not listen to pathetic f.m.
-turn off answering machine--will only upset you to hear for the 900th time: "No new messages...*^%$"
-keep all phones OFF. Their lack of response to your inherent need for a ringing sound will not help your sanity.
Must gather necessary supplies for impending doom's day, er, Valentine's Day.
1. All vices--junk food? Why not? Soda? Oh, slap me silly and call me candy, you bet your sweet sweat there will be soda. Chocolate? Only in the form of M&Ms, Hershey's, or any non-V-Day candy. NO Russell Stover heart boxes--those are best saved for after V-Day when they are on sale.
Action: Independence Day, Terminator, Alien (for the stomach blast alone, it's a perfect V-Day movie), Cast Away (okay, not exactly action, but totally apropos--don't we all have a Wilson? No? Yeah, me neither), Saving Private Ryan, etc.
Fantasy: Harry Potter (Stupefy!), Lord of the Rings, Beetlejuice, The Dark Crystal, etc.
If you absolutely must watch a love-themed movie on said day, stick to those with sad endings (happy endings will only tick you off; at least sad is in keeping with the tone of the day): Titanic, Phantom of the Opera, Love Story, Ghost, etc.
Could also go for slapstick comedy.
***Bram Stoker's DRACULA. That would be ideal on V-Day...any day, really. Edward Cullen pales in comparison. Get it? Pales... Yeah. I know. Lame joke. But, this really is a great film--tortured love, vampires, undying love (literally)--it's classic.
3. Advil for certain headache
4. Ice bag to numb head when Advil isn't working fast enough
5. Dramamine for certain queasy stomach when thought of someone flutters across your bruised mind.
6. Computer--equipped with favorite shopping sites minimized and ready for raiding.
7. Credit Card--to aid in said raiding
8. Second Dramamine for buyer's remorse.
9. Kleenex for any spontaneous eye leakage...due to inflamed sinuses, of course.
10. A cute cuddly something, like a teddy bear. Yeah, I love a good hug from a cute cuddly...please don't judge.
11. A partridge in a pear tree...wait, wrong day.