Friday, February 11, 2011

Vomit Day Survival Guide

Still bruised and battered after my Mavs single point loss last night, I thought it might be fun to put together a Valentine's Day survival guide. Why not, right?

Hope you don't mind--my blog is my outlet. I figure once I get all this V-Day aggression out of my system this year, I will be done with it forever. This is the first time I've ever really talked about my V-Day catastrophes in any detail--I have yet to share a particularly "interesting" one with you...reckon I'll save it for the day itself.

Anyway...

Valentine's Day Survival Guide:

*Groan*

*Yawn*

*Gag*

First and foremost:

-remove all romantic movies from vicinity of DVD player (shove deep in closet, drawer, anywhere out of sight)

-eject all sappy-lovey cd's from stereo; do not listen to pathetic f.m.

-turn off answering machine--will only upset you to hear for the 900th time: "No new messages...*^%$"

-keep all phones OFF. Their lack of response to your inherent need for a ringing sound will not help your sanity.

Must gather necessary supplies for impending doom's day, er, Valentine's Day.

1. All vices--junk food? Why not? Soda? Oh, slap me silly and call me candy, you bet your sweet sweat there will be soda. Chocolate? Only in the form of M&Ms, Hershey's, or any non-V-Day candy. NO Russell Stover heart boxes--those are best saved for after V-Day when they are on sale. 

2.Acceptable DVDs:

Action: Independence Day, Terminator, Alien (for the stomach blast alone, it's a perfect V-Day movie), Cast Away (okay, not exactly action, but totally apropos--don't we all have a Wilson? No? Yeah, me neither), Saving Private Ryan, etc.

Fantasy: Harry Potter (Stupefy!), Lord of the Rings, Beetlejuice, The Dark Crystal, etc.

If you absolutely must watch a love-themed movie on said day, stick to those with sad endings (happy endings will only tick you off; at least sad is in keeping with the tone of the day): Titanic, Phantom of the Opera, Love Story, Ghost, etc.

Could also go for slapstick comedy.

***Bram Stoker's DRACULA. That would be ideal on V-Day...any day, really. Edward Cullen pales in comparison. Get it? Pales... Yeah. I know. Lame joke. But, this really is a great film--tortured love, vampires, undying love (literally)--it's classic.

3. Advil for certain headache

4. Ice bag to numb head when Advil isn't working fast enough

5. Dramamine for certain queasy stomach when thought of someone flutters across your bruised mind.

6. Computer--equipped with favorite shopping sites minimized and ready for raiding.

7. Credit Card--to aid in said raiding

8. Second Dramamine for buyer's remorse.

9. Kleenex for any spontaneous eye leakage...due to inflamed sinuses, of course.

10. A cute cuddly something, like a teddy bear. Yeah, I love a good hug from a cute cuddly...please don't judge. 

11. A partridge in a pear tree...wait, wrong day.

19 comments:

  1. I just watched Phantom of the Opera for the very first time ever last weekend! So sad!!

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  2. lovely guide!! this will come in verrrry handy come Monday!

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  3. The Dark Crystal is a name I have not heard of in a while. I need to make my kids watch that.

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  4. Oh honey. If only we lived closer to one another maybe we could have a fun V-day memory...just the girls hanging out. :-( So sorry that you are down in the dumps...but it does seem like you are prepared to brave the storm as best you can. I will be sending hugs and happy thoughts your way.

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  5. I think you need to sleep through it, Miss Virgin.

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  6. I pronouce Monday as FEBRUARY 15. Henceforth, there will be two "15's" in the month of February just for you!!!!

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  7. Furry: Isn't it, though! I love the story, and the film is beautiful. But, yes, soooooo sad. The music is extraordinary.

    etefanny: I'm glad you liked it. :)

    Oilfield: It's truly a classic.

    Jewels: I'm really okay. :) Just not a fan of the day, but I'm hopeful that will all change...one day.

    Gorilla: Not a bad idea, actually. :)

    Average: Hurray!!! Two February 15th's!!!!! Can I call it a "me" day???? Like, a little special me day?

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  8. I have seen Independence Day about 7 times. I loved that movie! Don't judge me! If you want to watch a hysterically funny movie, see if you can find Blind Date with Bruce Willis and Kim Bassinger. It's a 1987 film. I don't know if it's on DVD. I watched it on video with my kids when they were teens, several times, and laughed my butt off every time.

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  9. Heh, heh . . . this is a pretty cool survival guide you got there! So, you must report back to us the day after and let us know that you made it through V-Day with your sanity intact.

    Good luck, soldier!

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  10. Go ahead darlin... call it ME DAY!!!

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  11. This is a great, helpful list. I'm glad you added a cute cuddly. That's a definite necessity.

    Hang in there. It will be Tuesday before we know it. Let's hope.

    xoRobyn

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  12. lol! If I were single, I'd be following your suggestions, me thinks! :-)

    Never been a fan of romantic movies myself. The closest thing we have in our house is "50 First Dates" which actually isn't too bad, but I'm not really an Adam Sandler fan. I'd much rather watch "A Beautiful Mind".

    And bring on Harry & Company, and the Dark Crystal any time!

    Is it Feb. 15 yet? I want all that chocolate to go on sale NOW! ;-D

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  13. You've almost made it, dear. A few more days and it will be over.~

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  14. Happy Me Day to you Frisky Virgin!

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  15. I've delcared this weekend "I LOVE ME" weekend! Screw Valentine's day! -Cool list! I am going a different route on Monday, I'm going to bury myself in work and then work out at the gym until I almost pass out from exhaustion. Yeah, that's my plan.

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  16. Mike and I decided not to do Valentine's this year, I think. It's really shouldn't be a big deal. Though I agree, I hit those big chocolate box sales right after and get me a HUGE chocolate fix. Yum.

    And refering to the comment about two Feb. 15ths? You're a real genius. If that's your birthday, you pretty much get an awesome weekend. =}

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  17. Okay if you and Jewels get to get together for Vday ever, I must be there. And I loves me some teddy bear hugs. :o)

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  18. Monday is now officially known as Celebrate ME day. Me meaning you. Make the day all about YOU!

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  19. Sounds like a great game plan. It'll be over before you know it!

    For a great "feel good" movie that isn't all schmoopy, may I suggest Nanny McPhee? Love, love, love that movie! Enjoy your "Me Day" sweetie!

    Hugs,
    Martha

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