Friday, October 29, 2010

I Hate "What If..."

Wake-up: Did I just dream about The One That Wasn't? Damn...I did. It's the first time he has infiltrated my sleep since, oh, the night I found out he married Violet, the three headed she-creature. Of course, that particular dream involved him falling into a dark hole in the earth, never to emerge again. **Perhaps she is not at all the kind of individual as I've been told...she may be perfectly nice...still, I wish to think of her as a she-creature.

The night before learning of his sudden marriage, I had a dream where he and I were to be married, only I ran away on the day of said wedding; he had to take to the local news media, begging me to let him know where we should meet for our nuptials. Ironic.

Last night's dream was far more concerning. He invited me to his house...had something he needed to tell me: he wants a baby...and apparently I'm the one to help him with that endeavor.

My uterus hurts.

Stumbling out of bed, I realized the severe lack of sleep (and said dream that may have intoxicated my ovaries) has impacted my ability to function normally--my red toe and bruised knee provide the proof...I swear the door jam came out of nowhere.

Lunch: My phone is an ass. Most days it sits quietly by until Mom or Dad calls...or until bff rings to rant about the Cowboys, brag about his 175 IQ, or talk about his split personality (he doesn't actually have one, although sometimes I could swear he has 937 of them). Today was different. The phone stared at me, mocked me. You know I will ring when you least expect it, right? You'll forget to check the number, like always, and you will not be prepared for what I throw at you. Stupid, insensitive phone.

Still, it stayed quiet, which was quite the opposite of the other night. Amidst everything that has been going on around here, my phone jingled with a message from my living ghost.  It was a simple message with a splash of tease. Since then, nothing. The phone remains blissfully, yet annoyingly it's hunting its prey--a miniature velociraptor waiting to strike with its ringtones and lob off my ears. 

Night: Not much to report. Very quiet, thank goodness. My parents are doing well, which is a great blessing. I've tucked my phone away in the vein hope that it will find something better to do with its lose all its battery charge.

Hmm. Can't help but wonder why The One That Wasn't dared to wriggle free from she-creature's tentacles to send a message to me...and why now? Hateful curiosity.

Of course, Dad isn't helping. Yesterday's comments are still weighing on my mind.

"Maybe he's not married. What if the messenger got the message wrong?"

Not possible. I don't think it's possible. How could someone be that wrong? What if it's possible?  "I doubt it, Dad."

"You haven't heard it from him, have you? Until then, how do you know?"

Rats. Must raid Mom's DVD closet...yes, an entire area of her closet is devoted to DVDs. Ah! Ever After, Titanic, and You've Got Mail.

"Oh, no, not Titanic," my dad gasped, "you'll snot all over the place."


So, tonight I sit, trying not to contemplate things. I find thinking is highly overrated...kind-of like treadmills. Argh! My knee hurts...stupid door jam. Time for a small bowl of Captain Crunch and a little Pride & Prejudice.

Crud. Dallas Mavericks lost. Rangers are now down two games. Cowboys are...ugh....awful. Maybe I need a slightly bigger bowl of Captain Crunch...and a soda...and some candy corn...then something for my stomach which will undoubtedly flip sideways.


  1. LOVE the random stream of consiousness/play by play of your day.
    The Wasn't actually texted you?! What the heck?! If he IS married to the she-beast that's HUGE disrespect for her which plays on the "no respect in the first place' thing. Boo on him! Even if he DOES happen to be single. Your Dad is right..marriage COULD have been a rumor, but Wasn't MUST have been acting in such a way that people got that impression, otherwise you'd never have recieved that information..again BOO on him.
    Which means nothing, sadly the heart wants what it wants.
    But again I'll say..BOO on him!
    Other movie favorites to add to your list...
    The Wedding Planner-seriously..Matthew? Yum in that movie!
    French Kiss-my all time favorite romcom
    Head over Heels-Monica Potter and Freddie Prinze adorable! And they aren't 'snotting' movies like Titanic..although I do tear up in The Wedding Planner.
    Wow..super long comment..I'll shut up now!

  2. I firmly believe that a bowl or two of Captain Crunch will fix pretty much every problem in the world. Combine that with candy corn, and by golly, there will be world peace! Enjoy your movies and forget about him. Playing games, is what I say.

  3. Either way, he's a ass, and you shouldn't be bothered with him. Waste of space and air. Of course, easier said than done. We all have someone who will haunt us like that, and it's not fair. A couple movies to add would be Penelope, Monster-in-Law (it's just hilarious), and Return to Me. My random suggestions. I hope things look up and that the "ass" doesn't continue to haunt you so.

  4. So... I'm a ridiculous romantic here, but I'm pulling for a complete misunderstanding of everything. And if not, closure is important. What did he say?

  5. Oh sweetie...when one is down and out I don't suggest such angsty and emotional movies! Throw on some ridiculous comedy like Airplane or the best of SNL with Dana Carvey. Something...anything to avoid tears that you know you will shed anyway. You need cheering.

    As for "he who must not be named"..."the one that wasnt" (he doesnt deserve capitilization) no matter what his marital status he passed on a gem of a woman and sometimes...just sometimes...people don't deserve second chances. Stay strong sweetie.

  6. I agree with Jewels, better laughing than crying. If he's not shedding tears over you, you shouldn't shed them over him, he doesn't deserve them.

  7. I don't know what to say, but I'm rooting for you.

  8. Hmmm. Not liking this dude. Maybe he is single, but in the grand scheme of things, why now? Where is this coming from? I don't like it one bit. Nope.

    I agree with Return to Me and a few of the others, and I'll add Love Actually to the list. A little snotty at times but overall warm fuzzies.

    Hang in there,