Sunday, October 10, 2010

Rant On Cheating

This whole Brett Favre thing seems to be spiraling, with more and more coming out by the minute. You can bet there is more to come with the Vikings playing the Jets tomorrow night. I hope he didn't do it, but I will not be surprised if he did. How sad is that, really? How sad and pathetic that as a woman living in this day and time, I would not be surprised if a human being touted as a family man, loving husband, and undeniable football icon is shown to have been cheating (or attempting to cheat) all along? When did this happen? When did cheating become something so common, so out there, that it fails to shock anyone anymore?

Yes, I know cheating has been around since the beginning of time, and I know both men and women cheat--I'm not that naive. I've known both men and women who cheat. Here's a little rundown of what I learned from them:

***NOTE: I understand everyone has their own story when it comes to the topic of cheating...I'm just sharin' what I've witnessed***

1.  The men felt guilty once they were caught, not before. 
2.  The women felt guilty immediately after their first encounter.
3.  One woman in particular (single) fell in love with the prototypical "unhappily married man who is leaving his wife for her." Do I need to tell you how that ended? Not happily for any of the parties. 
4.  Single men who cheat are often thought of as "studs" or "players," glorified by their posse. 
5.  Married men who cheat are often thought of as the victim--the wife isn't treating him right, he's miserable and sad, it's not his fault.
6.  Single women who sleep around or cheat are thought of as "whores" or "sluts."
7.  Married women who cheat are thought of as the villain...and "whores" or "sluts."

Tiger Woods cheats with a bevy of women; he claims sexual addiction and goes to rehab. I called it from the moment the second mistress surfaced.  So many people came out of the woodwork saying things like, "Leave him alone, he needs help!" "As long as he can play golf, what does it matter?"  "He is really sorry for what he did, leave him alone." Um, he was sorry...AFTER he was caught!

So, I had to pose the question: "If it had been a married celebrity woman who did all the same things as Tiger and she claimed sexual addiction, what would you say?" The responses were hilariously pathetic: "I think it's tougher for men. Women should know better." "She's a wife and mother...she should be at home with her kids, not screwing around." "She's a slut." "Sex addiction for a woman? Are you kidding? hahahahaha."

Here's the thing: Why are men the victims and women the villains? Why label either party as sluts, whores, studs, or players? Cheating is cheating. What's the need for labels? What's the need to try and justify or excuse cheating?

1. "I was drunk."
2. "It just happened."

First, you make the decision to drink, just like you make the decision to cheat.  If you got drunk with some random girl (or guy), that was your CHOICE.

Second, floods just happen, tornadoes just happen, lightening just happens; unzipping and part placement? Yeah, those things don't just happen--they are CHOICES.  

If you chose to cheat, so be it--it is your choice to live with, but don't insult the ones you hurt by trying to excuse or even justify your decision (Jesse James? Tiger Woods?) accountable and accept the consequences of your actions. In other words, deal with it. I know several women and men (both the cheaters and the cheated-on) who look back on certain situations and say the same: "If only I had been accountable for my actions." "If only he had been accountable." If only...

There, I'm done now. Feelin' better.


  1. I agree, it's a choice. But, the other side to it is that every one's relationship is different, and every one has their own definition of what cheating is. And, that may, or may not, match up to society's definintion. I'm not saying that I agree with what these celebraties did, but at the end of the day, they are not coming home to me. Which is good, because I'd a kicked their booty from here to Cleveland. :) -J

  2. J--Agree. Everyone's situation is unique and different, and I appreciate that.

    I think Elin and Sandra did just that! LOL

  3. I couldn't agree more. There is now and always has been a double standard in how the world views men and women and sex. There is also a difference in how the world views the average cheater and the celebrity cheater. It's not right, it's not fair, and I wish it would change...but I just don't see it happening.
    Well said!!
    PS...i gave you an award over on my page. Please stop by and check it out.

  4. I was forming my comment whilst reading your blog. And um, Jewels beat me to it! lol

    I literally laughed my ass off when I heard that Tiger Woods was going the rehab for sex addiction. I was at work when I heard it, too. He didn't have an "addiction", he just wasn't getting caught and had plenty of women who were willing to be the other woman.

  5. I don't know about men being the victim, during my time in the army a lot of wives cheated on their men while they were away and the common line was, "He obviously wasn't doing it right".
    The women weren't thought highly of but they weren't given the blame, the men were seen as failures.

    As for differing attitudes towards men and women in regards to sex, I agree it is wrong. It's so easy for a single girl to be labelled a whore.
    It's a cruel twist of life that 80% of single women only need to snap their fingers to find a sexual partner but have to constantly struggle for respect; whereas respect comes so easily to 80% of single men but they have to bend over backwards to get what they desire, (i.e. sex).

    If a decent looking female stripper said to ten half-cut guys in a room that she wants to bed all of them one after another, every guy would do it. They're drunk, they've lost their inhibitions and this hot gal had spiked their libido so there would be no question about it.

    However, if Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp or whoever the ladies think is hot gave the same proposition to a room of half-cut ladies, not all of them would do it.
    A couple would, but not all of them. Some would find it grubby, smutty even. Some would think badly of their hero for being so cheap.

    And there's the crux of it.
    A normal, decent looking girl offers it to some guys and they'll go for it.
    A Hollywood heart throb, swooned over by millions of girls could offer it and not every gal would say yes.
    That's why guys are seen as studs by their peers when they have a bed post with more notches on it than Sitting Bull's Tomahawk.
    Guys are easy, ladies definitely are not, lol.

  6. I have to think that some guys just DON"T think. I'm in no way defending cheaters, but men have a MUCH different mindset about sex than women do. I think sex for men is sex. The plain physical act of intercourse. For women though I think there are alot of emotions attached-whether it's to the physical aspect OR just emotionally cheating.
    Men and Women DON"T get a fair shake when it comes to it, and it's sick how people idolize male celebrities (Tiger) and somehow he's 'sick' and it's ok. It's not ok, it's NEVER ok.

  7. I often tell my hubby that I have no idea how anyone can cheat. When do you have the time? I go straight to work and straight home. He is never more than a phone call away and ALWAYS knows where I am. I wouldn't want to cheat...but I would never get away with it!