Even though I slammed, er, closed the door on this whole The One That Never Was nonsense, it still seemed to be the topic of conversation, albeit not my conversation. I should have known that come the weekend there would be questions, comments, opinions, and just endless chatter. Mostly, it sounded like a bunch of static that I couldn't mute. I'm done. Over it. Not gonna waste any more time. I effectively tuned it all out...until one voice burst through the static like a classic trombone solo: my mom's.
“Wasn't it just last fall and winter that he cropped up again?” she asked. I nodded. “Hmm. Didn't you say he sounded really sad?” I nodded again. My mom's mouth curled into that knowing grin—the kind only a mom can get while truly conveying something without words.
I got it. It was so clear.
The Point: If you are getting ready to marry the love of your life, the one you've never gotten over, then why in heck do you call me? And if you are finally getting your happily ever after, the one you felt was stolen from you, why do you sound so dang sad?
I reckon he wanted one last phone fling, for want of a better word, yet he didn't have the guts to tell me. I don't really think he owed me anything, though some would disagree, particularly after so many years of words. It's just a matter of manners...common human decency. Seems to be a shortage of that these days.
Though I had not thought of him that way for over a year, maybe more—the wider my eyes became, the more those tides started turning—I realized this complex sideways reality with him had been nothing more than clouds in my coffee. But, in reality, maybe it's him who has been drowning in clouds of his own creation. I wish him the best, truly—he has chosen his future, and I wish him well.
As for me, well, we'll just have to wait and see, but one thing is certain: I've closed the book on this chapter of my life.
Done and dusted.
Action: Bolt added to previously closed door. Forever locked. Thank You, Mom.
Song Currently On The Radio: Mariah Carey—I Want To Know What Love Is