In virtually the same breath as the "virgins are prudes" and "virgins are scared of sex" stereotypes, comes a chorus of "yeah, and virgins are desperate to get laid, too." Um, what? I had to ask these men to clarify, considering they just posited three stereotypes that have completely different meanings.
"Deep down, virgins just really want to get laid. They hate being different from everybody else. All you gotta do is tell her the right things and you're in," said Alpha Male One.
"Yeah, just throw out the 'I love you' crap a few times," offered Alpha Male Two.
"Don't forget the 'I'll wait for as long as it takes' s*&^," said Alpha Male Three, smirking, while downing a beer.
"Say that and you'll be getting it that night," croaked Alpha Male One to a roar of laughter.
While watching them laugh and clink beer bottles, I knew I had to ask the questions burning my mind. "So, is it all about the conquest? Do you just want to nail a virgin? Are the bragging rights worth hurting an innocent girl?"
"Hell yeah, babe," said Alpha Male One. "What guy wouldn't want to tell his buddies how he took down the fortress, you know? And, yeah, the bragging rights are pretty damn massive."
The other Alpha Males concurred.
"What about her, though? She chose you...she put her trust in you. What about her feelings, her heart?"
Silence. They just stared into their longnecks.
Here's what: Virgins aren't stupid. We know there are men who just want the conquest--those who will say anything to get the notch on their bedpost. Over the years, I've learned to smell B.S. from a mile away. The key is to be very cautious and not get lost in the words. You know what they say, actions speak louder than words. If he's the wrong guy, there will ALWAYS be red flags and you have to pay attention to them, no matter how much you may want to ignore them.
*Virgins aren't desperate, we're hopeful.*
Listening to these guys talk did challenge that hopeful feeling...until...
"I think something would change in me if a girl had trusted me like that. Maybe she sees more in me...sees me better than anyone has before...maybe even more than I see in myself," whispered our quiet Alpha Male Four.
The hope floats once again! Sweet Alpha Male Four...too bad he married Not Nice Woman.
Stereotype #5--SLAYED.
I totally agree with you - you have to judge men and women based on their actions, as opposed to what they say. Words aren't completely irrelevant, but actions are always more important.
ReplyDeleteI think the problem is, you're asking men at a bar. Try getting them out of their man-town- manly-men "element" to see what happens. Try a college setting, work place etc. See what answers you get from there. And PS.... for the record, I think you need new "test subjects" -J
ReplyDeleteVirgins aren't desperate.... What about the males who think they can still attract women who are 15-20 years their junior??? Come on, that is desperate and ridiculous... I have yet to meet a virgin who was desperate- the few I know choose to be virgins... Have u seen the quality of males out there?
ReplyDeleteWow. AM4 really surprised me. I'm assuming these are friends and not just random guys, right?
ReplyDeleteSteve: Absolutely agree; if the actions don't back up what is said, then they are just empty words.
ReplyDeleteJulianna: :) Oh, I promise you I have different test subjects and I've talked to them in various settings--maybe they don't want to look all emotional? I dunno. I just really think the "good" guys (as far as relationships are concerned) are few and far between. :( It's really, really tough out there.
Kalei: Excellent point. Yeah, I've never known a desperate virgin--most of them are pretty darn solid. Yeah, the man-market is rough. Finding the good guy is like finding a needle in a haystack.
Rebekah: Right.:) AM4 shocked me as well! It was wonderful to hear. His words even seemed to impact the other guys a little. He's a sweetheart.
TFV, jumping off Julianna's point, and reiterating one I've made in the past, I think you need a post explaining who these guys are ;) Frankly, it doesn't sound like most of them are in healthy, sex-filled relationships themselves. (For similar reasons, I also trust fat or buff chefs more than skinny, twiggy ones.)
ReplyDelete