Thursday, July 29, 2010

Stereotype Slayer #4: Virgins Are Scared Of Sex

My undercover virgin notes reveal a pretty surprising stereotype this week. Numerous men have told me they believe the reason a woman chooses to stay a virgin has nothing to do with love or innocence, but with fear.  When I inquired further, they simply say, "Virgins are scared to have sex."

I had to think about this one for a minute. Am I scared? I mean, I'm definitely raring to go, but I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't nervous. Still, many of my sexually active friends over the years have told me they always get nervous making love with someone they truly care about. Besides, if I am truly terrified of sex, I wouldn't look forward to it so much, and I certainly wouldn't have racked up a ton of fantasies...but that's for another day.

I am scared of one thing: Getting my heart broken. Then again, who isn't afraid of having their heart ripped to shreds? 

Simply put, virgins aren't scared of sex.  We're just a happy-kind-of-nervous when it comes to being with the one we love, and that makes us no different than any other soul searching for its other half.

Stereotype #4--SLAYED.


  1. Okay, Who are these guys and why are you talking to them? They are obviously (forgive me) idiots. Prehaps, they are in fact virgins, and they are sacred. Here's the thing. There's nothing wrong with waiting for love. Yeah, sex can be good on a primal level, but that's all it For me, sex has never been just sex, but more of a way to get connected to each other. Trust me, wild, hot, crazy sex if there's no connection, just leaves you sweaty and forgotten. You're doing the right thing by waiting. For the right guy, "virgin status" will simply be a non-issue. -J

  2. I agree with Julianna - Between this and your previous post about guys not putting the moves on you, what kind of men are you conversing with? Do they play World of Warcraft regularly or wear skinny jeans?

    The advice seems nebbish and whiny to me. It reeks of projecting their own insecurities on to others - "Oh, of course a virgin doesn't want to have sex to me, they're too scared. It has nothing to do with the fact that I'm a nerdy tool..."

  3. Too funny you two. I tell y'all, this is what I have come across...and I've only just begun.

    Julianna: Everything you said--thank you.

    Steve: Thanks for making me laugh! :) You know, I really think what you said is true--maybe they are projecting their own insecurities onto others. That would make total sense, at least with a couple of them.

  4. I will add this - On rare occasions, I've been with women who I can't imagine myself sexxing up. However, this is normally regardless of their own experience and physical attractiveness; it normally has more to do with just the general "feel" I get from them. It's tough to explain, and seems to correlate higher with teachers and other people who work with kids, and I think I subconsciously pick up that they still talk as if they're dealing with a kid on dates.

  5. Or uncertain about the unknown? If so there is nothing wrong w/that....or maybe apprehensive because once u experience it, u will become obsessed w/that great feeling u get from it?

  6. Definitely slayed. Once real feelings are involved, there's always gonna be a little bit of fear. Thoughts like 'am I doing this right' or 'does he/she like this' are a sign of caring. And trust me, this happens even to a sexually active person. Maybe the only difference is snapping out of it sooner and being more able to read the tell tale signs.