Sunday, July 4, 2010

My Independence Day

July 4th, 2010: The day we celebrate our freedom and the immeasurable bravery of our military men and women—both past and present—who make our freedom possible. I'm watching Toby Keith sing An American Soldier, while our military men and women passionately sing right along with him, and I think, what am I doing? Hiding because I've made a choice that isn't exactly mainstream? Afraid of what people will say? What they will call me? What they will think of me? Well, what an incredible wimp! No more.

On this July 4th, I declare my freedom to be *gulp* a 32-year-old virgin. <pause for horrified gasp> Yes, I am a 32-year-old virgin. Hmm. It sounds less shocking in my head than when it's glaring back at me on the computer screen. Ah, well, it is what it is, right?

Way back in high school—where I heard one horror story after another—I made the decision to wait for love. Though I'm a strong believer in God, religion wasn't the primary influence on my decision, nor was I pressured by my family to remain virtuous. In fact, my parents are very chill, laid-back southerners. No, I made this decision all on my own. Never in a million years did I think it would take THIS long to find love! Heck, I've never even had faux love. Nothing. Each time there might have been a pretty promising candidate, something I can only describe as cosmic/otherworldly interruptions came shooting in like lightening on a storm-free day. More on that in future posts.

Call me weird, if you like. It's okay, really. People should dare to be weird. If it's weird to want to wait for love, then so be it. Honestly, I just want one man I can wear out for the rest of his life.
It's time to stop hiding, embrace who I am, and start having some fun with this, so I've come up with a little tiered task.
Threefold Task:
  1. Fear conqueror: Each week, I will take on a fear or phobia, no matter how small or stupid.
  2. Stereotype Slayer: Yeah, it's time to break down the whole virgin stigma (wallflower, nerd, boring, dull). No wallflowers here, not even close, and I'm proud to say I've never been called nerdy, boring, or dull. And no, I don't wear high collars or long skirts, and I don't have hair down to my bum (I've heard these comments made about virgins in general. Not that there's a thing wrong with those fashion tastes...they just aren't mine).
  3. Personal Quest, October 2012: I'm not a believer in firmly saying I will absolutely find love and make love by a certain date or age. That's not how love works. The minute I say, “oh, here's my deadline for love,” is the minute I screw any hope for fate to work its magic. Having said that, I figure a “target” date isn't necessarily a bad thing. And what better date than two months before the end of the world? I mean, if the supposed cataclysmic events take place on December 21, 2012, then I have a two month buffer to make up for lost time.
There we have it—conquer fear, slay stereotypes, and find me some love, among other things. Shouldn't be too tough...despite the fact that it's taken this long. I refuse to see that as discouraging. I like to think fate is behind everything.
Think I've achieved facing this week's fear: I've come out as a virgin. Hmm. If gay people come out of the closet, and vampires come out of the coffin (as they say on True Blood), what do virgins come out of? Underwear? Makes sense. I guess I've just come out of my underwear as a virgin. Fabulous. This is gonna be fun...I hope.


  1. Thank you for stopping by my blog -- I'll be coming back to yours, for sure! I admire your choice and think it makes A LOT of sense! Have fun blogging! :-)

  2. So I started reading at today's date and I'm glad I kept going because now I understand your motivation. I especially like the deadline, right before the end of the world, so if you have to, you can make up for lost time.

    I do think that blogging about it is going to open you up to more opportunities for love. Although you know what they say about love finding you when you aren't looking for it!

    Fun idea though, I like it!

  3. Thank you so much. Here's hoping fate will throw me a bone . I think I've been pretty darn patient, and it hasn't been easy by any means. I don't really know how all of this will unfold, but I'm hoping it may help kick my lazy karma into gear. :)

  4. How awesome! I was exactly like you--horror stories in highschool, chill parents and all! :D My sister did the "traditional" route with numerous boyfriends (and now I have a subsequent adorable nephew), but I wanted to wait for love, too. I'm totally following you in your quest! (If blogger ever stops being lame enough for me to follow you... Grrr....)

  5. I love the fact that you're a 32 year old virgin! I wish more people were like that. I know my sister, when she married her husband, her husband was a 32 yr old virgin too. He waited for love too and said it is all worth it.

  6. I'm so glad I found this site. I'm 27 year old virgin that was recently dumped after my boyfriend found out so I've been beating myself up and thinking something was wrong with me because I've been holding out. It's a relief to know that people are doing the same for the same reasons.

  7. Jen: Thank you so much--I can't believe I am only no seeing this comment!

    Aunt of 14: I firmly believe it will all be worth it when it the right man comes along. :) Thank you so much for your support!

    Kristina: I'm so glad you found my blog! I know how difficult it can be in this day and time. The fact that he dumped you because you're waiting for love just shows he was not the right man--a real man, an honorable man, wouldn't have done what he did to you. If you ever need to talk, don't hesitate to e-mail me. *Hugs to you*

  8. I'm so happy I decided to break up with my boyfriend because he only wanted to sleep with me.I'm just 16, and it wasn't the right person nor the right moment. And the worse is, he dumped me because of it (it was a mutual breakup). I just found this blog and it just really makes me realise what a good choice I made. Thanks ! :)

  9. Anon: Stay strong, sweetie. The right guy will never pressure you; he will respect and adore you. Remaining a virgin isn't the easiest path in today's society, but it is a fulfilling one. I'm so glad you found my blog! If you ever need to talk, I'm just an e-mail away. *Hugs*

  10. Do you ever wonder if you're never going to find love? Or do you beleive every one has some one?

  11. Rachael: Sometimes the thought crosses my mind, but ultimately I really do believe everyone has a soul mate out there. I'm a big believer in timing--that everything will happen in its own time, when it's supposed to happen.

    You hear so many stories of people finding each other under such unbelievable circumstances or against overwhelming odds. Those stories, those moments, tell me everyone has a soul mate out there and that when the time is right, the two will find each other. :)

  12. I applaud you 100%! I used to go into high schools and talk to teens about waiting for marriage. Sex is so de-valued these days. And girls get the rotten end. Having the self-confidence and self-respect to say, I'm waiting, is beautiful. If women could re-embrace the sacredness of their sexually, instead of using it so cheaply, the behavior of men would improve. You go girl! You are a role model to your generation! BTW, my daughter is a 32-yr. old virgin as well. Waiting on who God has for her!

    1. Your comment just made my day. Thank you so much.

      Girls do get the rotten end. We're thought of as weird or freaks. It has always amazed me how standing up for something you believe in can be considered freakish. You have to have thick skin, but, in the end, being true to who you are, well, that's what it's all about.

      I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one to make this choice. Some men have said that I'm asking too much, wanting love. Love, that's all I ask. Maybe I'm foolish, but I always figured that love was something everyone deserves.

      Thank you so very much again for taking the time to comment--it means the world. :)

  13. I realise this is four years later and who knows where you're up to but I just wanted to say thank you. I'm a 25 year old virgin and struggle a lot with the fact I haven't yet had sex. I too am waiting for love and even though it feels like the whole world is doing it, I'm going to wait. Every now and then it gets a little too much and I peruse the Internet in the hope of finding solidarity... and i found you :) You've really inspired me with your outlook and I'm pledging now to take opportunities as they come and to be brave when I'm feeling scared or uncertain. I know that when I find the right guy, he will be so in love with my mind and soul that it won't matter whether I've had sex or not! Xx