Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Why Wednesday #4: Why Tell A Guy You're A Virgin?

There are two schools of thought regarding when, how, and if I should tell a guy/date about my virginity:

1.  Wait. Let the guy get to know you--appreciate you--before telling him. 
2.  Tell him right away.  Give the guy the opportunity to run. 

I've tried both options. I'll let you decide which turned out the best.

Option One, Wait: This is the #1 most recommended method for handling your virginity (Yeah, I know, that just sounded like some infomercial for wrinkle cream or acne wash).  The general school of thought is that the guy will get to know you, appreciate you, and be more accepting, perhaps even try to stick it out. There is one slight hiccup, however: The Third Date.  The third date is commonly known as "the sex date."  I had been dating Bicker Dicker for about a month at this point, but, because of our hectic schedules, we had only been out on two dates (the rest of the time we were on the phone).

Third Date, Valentine's Day: After an elegant dinner, we hopped in his car and headed down the highway.  It hadn't crossed my mind that this was date number three until he interrupted one of my favorite songs to play a "special" track he picked out especially for me. Okay, cute, right?  The fact that his hands were shaking while he found the song should have clued me in. Damn. It was a sex song.  Granted, it wasn't Bump 'N Grind, but it was distinctly sex-driven.  I sat there, fairly calm, and waited for him to ask me back to his place.  It never happened.

Turns out, he played the song hoping I would ask to go back to his place.  Seriously.  Beg for sex?  Um, no.  When I didn't, he put on the pout of the century, dropped me off in the middle of my icy driveway, and roared off down the road. So, there I was in brand new heels, trying to get to my door without busting my butt on the ice. Though he called three days later, acting like the attentive boyfriend (it was kinda creepy, really), I couldn't get over the fact that he left me in the icy driveway, at night, in heels.

Option Two, Tell Him: Yeah, I did exactly this before my first date with a certain man.  I expected him to run.  He didn't.  He stalked.  For over a year. Yeah.

Neither option worked out so well for me.  I suppose the best thing to do is listen to your gut--if your gut says, tell him, then tell him; if you aren't comfortable telling him, wait. If he's the right one, everything will just fall into place...hopefully.


  1. Your last paragraph says it all!. Always go w/your gut... And if the guy can't handle it, well, then he isn't man enough...

  2. heh, It actually sounds more like you attracted two kinda wimpy guys :) I never made a move back in the day, like when I was in my teens. As I got into my 20s though, I learned that some aggressiveness is needed when it comes to relationships; people want to feel wanted.

    As far as the virgin thing, it wouldn't faze me. One, I'm confident enough that I think I could break the streak. And two, it seems pretty reasonable to me that it might take more than three dates to work your way in. I generally don't assume I'm going to get sex in the first six months, and if it happens earlier, then that's cool.

    I will say though, if someone didn't want to have sex until they got married, that would be a dealbreaker for me. You need to make sure you're compatible sexually before getting married, at least in my opinion.

  3. I think you're right, listen to your gut. When you feel the time is right you can share that information. Chances are he has some things he is waiting to share with you too!